Headlines

I was glancing over the front page of the Post Gazette the other day and saw that Alf Landon (Franklin Roosevelt's opponent in the 1936 election) had died at age 100. It reminded me of this story that FDR supposedly liked to tell.

There was a man who, everyday, would buy a newspaper on the way to work, glance at the headline, and hand it back to the newsboy. Day after day the man would go through this routine.
Finally the newsboy could not stand it and he asked the man, "Why do you always buy a paper and only look at the front page before discarding it?"

The man replied, "I am only interested in the obituaries."

"But they are on page 21. You never even unfold the newspaper."

"Young man," he said, "the son of a bitch I'm looking for will be on the front page."

Titanic Indian version

• If the Titanic was made in India:
• 10. There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
• 9. There has to be a song with a girl wearing a white dress, singing in the rain.
• 8. By the end of the movie he finds his mom, dad, sister and brother.
• 7. It's seven and half-hours long.
• 6. The movie would be called "Doobta Hua Pyar".
• 5. Kate Winslet played by Madhuri Dixit, and Leonard Di' Caprio played by Salman Khan.
• 4. The boat would sink, because there are too many people on it.
• 3. None of the people would float for long cause of the saris.
• 2. They would be serving mango fruity on the boat.
• 1. Wait a minute it was an Indian movie if you think about it.

AND

Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo"!!!

PS: The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.

Sins of Indians

10. Marrying a blond is a sin. Making love to a blond is a partial sin.

9. Pre-marital sex is a sin. Marital sex is a partial sin.

8. Taking dowry is a sin. Giving dowry is a partial sin.

7. Bullying one's wife is a sin. Having to submit is a partial sin.

6. Gambling is a sin. Playing cards is a partial sin.

5. Drinking is a sin. Smoking is a partial sin.

4. Eating beef is a sin. Eating pork is a partial sin.

3. Hurting a cow is a sin. Hurting insects is a partial sin.

2. Not phoning home is a sin. Running up a huge bill is a partial sin.

1. Forgetting first language is a sin. Speaking with an accent is a partial sin.

Is Windows a Virus

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to
become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug.

Labor Pain

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

Funny Sketch

Degrees of Girls

B.A : Beautiful Angel

B.E. : Beautiful Eyes

B.Sc : Beautiful Structure

B.L. : Beautiful Lips

B.Com : Beautiful Completely

M.B.A. : Married but Available

Biology - Sociology

A student is sleeping in his class room and teacher came to him and she want to make the student active so she asks the student :

Teacher : What is the difference between Biology and Sociology?

Student : If Baby looks like father that is Biology

If Baby looks like neighbour that is Sociology.

Teacher went on laughing and Student again in his position to sleep.

Quote of the Day by Swami Vivekananda

My friend Mohan has send me this nice quote in my orkut mail.

“To me the very essence of education is the Concentration of mind, not the collecting of facts. If I had to do my education over again, and had any voice in the matter, I would develop the power of concentration and detachment, and then with a perfect instrument, I could collect facts as will." -

By - Swami Vivekananda

Death By Viagra

The Naughty Boy

Paris Hilton is coming to town!

To the tune of "Santa Clause is coming to town"

She'll sleep with a girl, she'll sleep with a guy.

She'll make you hurl I'm tellin you why.

Paris Hilton's Coming to town.

She'll take off from the "Simple Life".

She'll tape you both when you sleep.

You won't want her to be your wife.

Cause man can she be cheap.

Oh,She'll sleep with a girl, she'll sleep with a guy.

She'll make you hurl I'm tellin you why.

Paris Hilton's coming to town

She's takin your friends, and doin them twice.

You better believe she's setting a price.

Paris Hilton's Coming.

Boy, is Paris Cumming.

Paris Hilton's Coming to town!

Souce : masalafourm

You will get mad after reading this ( Read at your own risk )

I got this essay in a forum and it was very funny so enjoy it..

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.

But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.

His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the
milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such
attachment ]

What can it do? Various butter, cream, curd, why
and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

His motion is slow only because he is of lazy
species.Also his other motion.. [from the backyard] is much
useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat
cakes[like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding
after eating.
Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are
situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in
the grass.

His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.

He has got tails also, situated in the backyard,
but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the
other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.

So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other
relatives.

This is the cow.......

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere..sorry somewhere in Bihar

Accident Do Happen!!!!

Watch this Gif format movie

Enjoy



Please click on the image for the movie.

Global Warming - The Real reason !!

After a lot of scientific research, the real reason of global warming has been discovered !!!

When Girlfriend becomes Wife!

when girlfriend becomes wife
sure not all when becomes wives come like that
most the gilrs are angels.. but some look like this......







If magic not appears please click on the Image then see the magic how Girl Friend become after Wife.

This is not to hurt any body just for fun.

Operation Bunny Teeth

Blonde in a Pawn Shop

A blonde walks into a pawn shop and sees a TV that she liked. She walked up to the clerk and asked how much for it.
"Sorry Ma'am, I don't sell things to blondes" he replied.
Shocked, she walked out of the store. That night, she dyed her hair brown. The next day, she went back to the store and asked the clerk for the price of the television.
Same reply.
Frustrated, she bought a red wig and wore it to the store the next day.
When she asked the clerk, he told her the same thing.
"How did you know it was me?!" she asked.
"Because, that isn't a TV, it's a microwave."

The Priest Who Lost His Cock

A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

Newton Laws

Law -1: Every Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by external unbalanced manager.

Law -2: The rate of change in the Work is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate when deadline force is applied.


Law -3: For every appraisal there is an equal but opposite Work Implementation.

Bonus Law -4: Mistakes can neither be created nor be removed from drawings by an engineer. It can only be converted from one form to another, the total number of mistakes in the drawing always remains constant.

Relationship between eyes

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..?

They blink together,
They move together,
They cry together,
They see things together and
They sleep together

But they never see each other.. That's what is true friendship !!

But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye blinks and the other remains open.....

Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships !!

Knock Knock

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DFTmBrMYPw

Imagine what would happen if GOD installs Voice Mail in Heaven.

Imagine what would happen if GOD installs Voice Mail in Heaven.

When you pray, you will get this response:

"Hi, Thank you for calling Heaven.

If you want to speak to

Lord Ganesha - Press 1

Lord Shiva - Press 2

Lord Krishna - Press 3 ( Sorry, he is Busy with "Gopiyan " ) For a

Directory of other Gods / Goddess - Press 4 For Further Assistance

from

Menka / Pari / Angels -Press *. You press 1 and get connected to

Ganeshji and hear the Following message :

If you want to make a request - Press 5

For complaints / Grievances - Press 6 ( Seldom works)

For thanks giving - Press 7

For any thing else , please press 8 and wait for the Customer Support Angel to talk to you If you would like to hear

Naradji

(TOLLFREE) singing Bhajan while you are holding - Press *



After a few minutes comes the following message :

"Our records show that you have already prayed once today. Please try again tomorrow . Meanwhile , if you require any emergency assistance, please contact our offshore Customer Support Executive priest of your nearest temple.

Thank you for calling Heaven

Note : All the names according to the Hindu Mythology . Not to hurt any body

Teacher Vs Student

teacher: can you define the word lecturer for me?

student: lecturer is a person who has a bad habbit of speaking when some is sleeping in class

Shocking Telegrams

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:


"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."


************ ***


TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."


The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."



************ ***


TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.


At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.


Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:


"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."



************ ***


TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.


The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.


Well he thinks for a while and says:


Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".


The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"


The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.


The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:


"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

Funny answers written by students

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon.
All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around and around. There is not much else to do.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

Change of heart

There was a very big lake in a forest. All the animals of the forest used to come to that lake to drink water from it. One day a hunter came to that lake. He bathed in it and drank the sweet water of the lake to quench his thirst. The hunter was very hungry as he hadn't eaten anything for the last so many days. He thought "The animals living in this forest will definitely come to this lake to drink water. And this will enable me to get a prey for myself easily," thinking this the hunter climbed a tree and sat on it.

Soon after, a female deer came to drink water from the lake. The hunter saw her, drew an arrow from his quiver and poised it on the bowstring. The female deer saw him doing this and was terribly frightened. She said, "Brother, hunter! I know I cannot save my life by running away from here; but I beseech you to have mercy on me. The two fawns, my young ones, must be waiting for me. Please allow me to go for the time being, and I promise that I shall come back to you after feeding the fawns and handing them over to a female deer who is a friend of mine."

The hunter laughed. It was beyond logic for him that the female deer would return to him despite knowing that he would kill her. But then he thought "I must allow her to go keeping in view the promise made by her. And if I am destined to get a prey, I shall get another one." He allowed her to go.

Just a little after the female deer had left, a beautiful looking male deer with hig horns came to the lake to drink water from it. The hunter was about to release his arrow when the male deer saw him. He said, "Brother, hunter! It's hours since I have been away from my wife and the young ones. They must be getting nervous and eagerly awaiting my return. Do kindly allow me to go so that I may go and see them and explain to them the situation. And it's a promise that I shall return to you after that. But, kindly allow me to go for the time being."

This irritated the hunter very much. He was almost on the point of starvation. He thought for some time and then consoled himself by saying "I must allow the male deer also to return. If I am destined to starve today, I must."

The female deer came to her fawns, fed them and let the fawns snuggle close to her for some time. Then she took them to another female deer, who was her close friend, and explained the situation to her. Meanwhile, the male deer also came there with tears welled up in his eyes. He also poured all his affection on them and then prepared to leave. But the fawns were not ready to part with their parents. Ultimately, the male and female deer, having no alternative, had to agree to take the fawns also along with them.

Reaching near the lake, the male deer said to the hunter, "Brother hunter! We all have come. Now you may kill us and assuage your hunger."

The hunter was extremely surprised to see the truthfulness of the innocent animals. He climbed down the tree and began theinking "How truthful are these deer despite being animals. They have returned tome, just to keep their word, without caring for their lives. And I, despite being a human being, am so sinful that in order to assuage my hunger, kill these innocent and mute animals. Now I take a vow that I shall not kill any animal from today.

The hunter broke his bow and threw it away. Just then a celestial car, moving in the air with gods and angels in it, landed on the ground there. One angel said to the hunter, "Hunter! these deer have atoned for their sins by having observed truthfulness. They will go to heaven. You too have atoned for your sins by having had mercy on these innocent animals. You will also be taken to heaven along with them."

Then the female and male deer were transformed into the forms of god along with the fawns. The hunter also was transformed into a god. It was their truthfulness and mercy that enabled them to go to heaven alive.

The neglected wife

When Brahmadutta was ruling Banaras, Bodhisatva was born.
One day, the king became angry with his son and banished him from the kingdom. The prince left Banaras with his wife. They wandered in other lands for a long time suffering untold privations. On several occassions, the prince didn't have a roof over his head. He had also to go without food. His faithful wife shared all the hardships without a word of complaint.

As time passed, King Brahmadutta died. On learning the news, the prince thought he could now return to Banaras, and ascend the throne. So he and his wife started for Banaras, travelling day and night.In his anxiety to reach the capital as quickly as possible, he forgot to look after his wife's comfort. He forced her to walk as fast as he did and even to go without food and sleep as much as possible.

Though he was anxious to reach Banaras, he couldn;t resist from eating. One day,the couple reached a village in a state of great hunger. One of the villagers took pity on them and asked the prince to go with him to his house.Asking his wife to rest under a tree, he went with the villager.He gave the prince a parcel of food which would be enough for two. On his was back the prince thought,"This food is sufficient for two of us. I don't know when and where we;ll get our next meal.And Banaras is still very far off. It is more important that I reach Banaras. My wife need not hurry to get there. Even otherwise,she is being a hindrance to me.If not with her, I would have gone much farther by now. I must manage to eat all this food myself."

With his mind full of suh mean thoughts, the prince returned to where his wife was resting. "Here's some food", he told her,"You start walking, I shall catch up with you after my ablutions".

Believing him,she wearily walked ahead. The prince ate up all the food. He then made a bundle of the leaves in which the food had been packed an caught up with his wife.

"Look at the mischief," he told her showing the packet. "The rascal has fooled us with an empty parcel.There's no food in it."

His wife said nothing, but she could guess what might have happened. After some more days, they arrived in Banaras. The prince was duly crowned as the king. Thought she had shared all his hardships, he didn't feel it necessary to share his happiness with his queen.She was totally neglected by the king.

Bodhisatva, who had become the King's counsellor, noticed the state of affairs. One day, he wnet to see the queen who received him with due courtesy.

"After coming into good times, the king distributed gifts to all of us," he said."But I am yet to et anything from the hands of queen!"

"Sir," she said pitifully,"I'm the queen only in name. There's very little difference between me and the palace maids. I had dutifully shared all his misfortunes, but it looks as though i don't have the right to have a share of his fortune." She went to narrate to the counsellor how, on their way to Banaras, the prince had robbed her of her share of food."Even now," she said, " the king doesn't care to enquire whether I have had my food, what clothes I am wearing and so on."

"Don't worry, your hightness," Bodhisatva said, seeing that she was in tears,"I've suspected this , I came here only to know the truth from you. Let's repeat our conversation tomorrow in hte court. I'll see that the king doesn't neglect you anymore."

The next day, the queen was present at the court. Bodhisatva remarked in the full court that the queen had no thoughts for the poor since she became the queen.

Then the queen told the court all that she had told the counsellor the previous day. The King felt ashamed when she revealed how he had robbed her of her share of food while they were returning to Banaras.

"If the King is neglecting you," Bodhisatva told her, " there's no reason why you should stay with him. The scriptures tell us: Leave one who had left you. Don't make friends with him.You need not be nice to anyone who frowns at you.Birds leave the fruitless tree and seek other trees. The world is wide. So, you can get out into the world and seek those who will be considerate to you.

Hering this, the King left the throne and fell at Bodhisatva's feet. 'O wise counsellor! Don't put me to shame!' he begged. "I shall henceforth treat my wife with respect. I apologise for what I have done."

A Grateful Servant

Sekhar was orphaned in his childhood itself.He was brought up by his uncle Krishna. Though he was very much affectionate towards Sekhar, his wife Rohini deteseted him from the very beginning. She burdened him with the entire household chores, and at the same time gave him the most frugal meals. As the years passed, the situation started deteriorating and Sekhar had to go without food on may days. Besides, he had to put up with verbal abuses from and physical torture by his aunt. Though in the presence of her husband, she pretended to take care of him, she did the contrary in his absence.Later, Krishna was aware of the ill-treatment meted out to his nephew in his absence, and he was furious with his wife. When he reprimanded her severly, Rohini retaliated:"Don't accuse me! This rascal is telling lies to you about me! Send him out of the house!"

Krishna countered her."Don't try to act, Rohini! The poor boy is too good to complain about you! He is extremely tolerant and good-natured. I've come to know what you do with him from other quarters too."

Rohini shot back:"If you believe that your nephew is so tolerant, send him to work under your relative Sitaram! He'll be better off there! I can't look after your nephew any longer!"

Krishna became angry.He replied:"Why should he go there? He'll be with us only!"

Rohini became agitated.She shouted,"Then, let me leave this house!"

Sekhar hd to intervene to pacify the quarelling couple."Uncle! please don't quarrel with aunty on my count.I'll rather go to uncle Sitaram's house at once!"

Krishna was too furious to speak. After sometime, when he had cooled down,it occured to him that the idea was not altogether bad. Atleast, Sekhar would be able to eat two square meals a day insted of often starving.

Sitaram was a niceman in earlier times. After his retirement, he got bored by sitting idle in the house. His wife Arundhati and his sons where busy with their own work and hence couldnot spare any time for him. Sitaram felt neglected and hence gave vent to his annoyance at everyone. Being unable to put up with his nagging, Arundhati appointed a servant to look after his personal needs. But this made matters worse. Sitaram felt let down by his own family and harassed the servant, He soon left their service. Arundhati engaged several servants thereafter, but none stuck to the job. She was now badly in need of a servant who whould be patient enought to work under her ever-nagging husband. Krishna was aware of this, but the only consolation was that Sekhar would atleast not starve. So, he decided to send Sekhar to SItaram's house.

Initially, it was a bit difficult for Sekhar to put up with hte tantrums of Sitaram. Gradually, he got used to them. He showed utmost patience in dealing with his new master. Verysoon, Sitaram started liking Sekhar. Arundhati felt much relieved and she was so pleased with the boy that she gave him sumptuous food. She took care of all his needs and treated him as a member of her own family.

One day, a hermit visited thier house,Greatly pleased with thefamily, the hermit said:" I want to be bless all of you. Please come one by one and tell me your wishes. I shall praay to god to grant you your wishess."

They went to him one by one and spoke out their wishes. Arindhati desired a long married life. The sons wanted to lead properous lives,Sitaram wanted that all should bestow their best attention on him.When everyone's turn was over,Arundhati called Sekhar and asked him to express his wish.

Sekhar knelt before the hermit and prayed to him: " O holy man I want my master to have a long and healthy life. he should be contented as he was once upon a time. He should become a lovable person."

All others , including the hermit, were astounded on listening to sekhar. The hermit stroked his back fondly and said " My dear boy! when all otherss have asked for the fulfilment of their personal wishes, what makes you only pray for the sake of your master? Dont you have any personal wish of your own?

" O holy man!" said sekhar , his voice choked with emotioon. " I consider him my god! I owe my very existence in this house to him. Every morsel of food I get in this house is because of him. Nothing in the world would I seek other than his welfare!"

Dear boy,"cautioned the hermit "dont you realise that once your wish gets fulfilled and he becomes normal, you might lose your job in this house? Have you thought of that?"

"It doesn't matter!" said Sekhar."Even if I'm asked to leave his service, I would 'not mind. I would always recollect the happy days I spent with him. His welfare is most important to me."

Sitaram was overwhelmed. He held Sekhar 's hands and said," Never will I ask you to leave my house you aren't my servant any longer. From this day , you are my third son.And you 'll be with me for ever".. He hugged Sekhar and wept like a child.

Street Dance

Funny Show

Funny Show - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

Bush & Kalam

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to
surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer
this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !" "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer
a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question:
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees,
and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation,
Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh!".

Marketing concepts...

A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-


1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" -

That's Direct Marketing


2. You're at a party with a bunch of freinds and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up

to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next

day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her

and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,

offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can
you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I "I a m very rich. Marry me!"

She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And

she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another

person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's

competition eating into your market share


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!"

your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets.

Computer Quotes

"If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"

"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

"unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep" - my daily unix command list

"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." - Robert Firth

"If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise."

"The more I C, the less I see."


"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

"After Perl everything else is just assembly language."

"If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."

"Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code."


"Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

"COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."

“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz

"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - This is not humorous by itself; but in the context it's a classic by Bill Gates in 1981

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer." - Erik Naggum

Lallo Parsad YADAV and Bill Gates

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:
dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks

Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

The Best Way To Lose Weight!

Santa in ICU

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

Passionate Kisses

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

Banta scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."

Hilarious Harry Potter Lego Comedy

Funny Harry Potter Lego Skit. Wail until you see all the characters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQIZnfBalPo

Soccer Comedy

Deposit in the bank

Teacher: "Pedro, use 'deposit' in a sentence."

Pedro: "Sisiw, Ma'm, D' posit is leaking."

Teacher: "No, no, no, you got it wrong, let me explain it to you further. You know .... Bank?...Deposit?...see the relationship?"

Pedro: "Oh yes, I got it."

Teacher: "Okey, I'll give you another chance, use 'deposit' in a sentence."

Pedro: "D' posit in the bank is leaking."

The key to heaven

Three ladies died and met St. Peter who was sitting behind a desk on front of the gates of heaven, getting ready to start his day.

"May the first person come." He said.

"Hello, Saint Peter." said the first lady.

"State you name and tell me how you spent your life." he said.

"Oh Saint Peter, I am a nun, who spent her life helping those in need, and serving the Lord."

"Here is a golden key, it will open the Gates of Heaven."

And off the nun went.

"Next." said Saint Peter. "How did you spend your life."

"I spent my life like a normal human being." another woman said. "I told some lies, white lies here and there. But nothing serious."

"Here I give you a Silver Key. It is for the Purgatory. You may go now." he said. "Next. Tell me, how did you lived your life?"

"Oh Saint Peter, my life was spent on parties, with a different man every day. I loved a good dance, drinking, and having a different man every night. You might call me a creature of the night." said a beautiful Girl.

"Here is a key made of Copper." he said.

"Is that the key to Hell?!"

"No, this is the key, for my apartment."

Iam better Golfher than Tiger Woods

Have a Nice Drink

This is the real Soccer header .............

Satue

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Womes = Problems

Ajit Agarkar is learning belle dancing

Compare Both Images :

How to Increase your Alexa Rank

Some simple steps to increase the Alexa rank



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System Error

Happy and Unhappy

How To Catch a Lion !! ??

Ø Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.

Ø Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will
get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.

Ø Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Ø Indian Police Method:
catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that it’s a
lion.

Ø Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.

Ø Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while
it's sleeping !

What stupid thing he was doing to his friend on his Marriage

Diagnostic computer

One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.
"His friend said, " Don`t do that. There`s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00."

Jeff figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow.Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter.To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren`t yours. Get a lawyer. And...if you don`t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

It was not enough to me