How bankers do it...

Bankers do it risk-free.

Bankers do it just for money.

Bankers charge a fee each time they do it.

Bankers do it with varying rates of interest.

Bankers do it with a penalty for early withdrawal.

Shocking Telegrams

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:


"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."


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TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."


The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."



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TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.


At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.


Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:


"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."



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TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.


The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.


Well he thinks for a while and says:


Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".


The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"


The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.


The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:


"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami.

Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes,but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly dry
cigarette and book of matches and lights up. The ladies go up to the girl and ask, "How do you keep your cigarettes dry?" Her answer, "I put them inside
of a condom." The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for a condom. When the pharmacist asks, "What size?" one of the ladies says, "It should fit a Camel."

54 Year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening and read's: Dear Wife (that's what
he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the
hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54
and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year
old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!!!!

Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

"I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."

"Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

"The coffee machine is broken..."

"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

" ... in Jesus' name. Amen."

How accountants do it...

Accountants do it by the book.
Accountants do it within budget.
Accountants do it to the bottom line.
Accountants do it with double entries.
Accountants do it between spreadsheets.
Accountants are Certified to do it in Public.
Accountants do it without losing their balance.