Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Jesus is watching you
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
Graveyard Giggles
A man and his son were walking through a cemetery. The boy asked, "Daddy, do they bury two people in the same grave?"
The father said, "Two people? Let me look."
So the father took a look, and sure enough, the marker said, "Here lies a symphony conductor and a humble man."
Aliens Attack
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news and bad news."
"Oh, no..." muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."
Poof!
An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."
*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF ***
There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
A Purple Heart
A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to
stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old
spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in
letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to
the front door.
His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him.
"Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," he
answers.
The other two old spinsters gather around the door. "Who's out there?
Does he look decent?" they ask.
Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."
The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is...
let him in!"
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The way he died
A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the
lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied, "When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same way."
Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami.
Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes,but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly dry
cigarette and book of matches and lights up. The ladies go up to the girl and ask, "How do you keep your cigarettes dry?" Her answer, "I put them inside
of a condom." The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for a condom. When the pharmacist asks, "What size?" one of the ladies says, "It should fit a Camel."
Beep – beep
The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-
old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks
she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get
some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take
him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave
him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the
only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to
get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep."
"How marvelous," the old man said.
"Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to
work three times before you die."
On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live
through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one
trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied,
he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled
with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow
Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went "beep," and the
car in the opposite lane responded with "beep beep."
Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to
"speed it up." He raced into the house as fast as he could for
his last great lay. "Honey," he shouted at her, "don't ask
questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed." Caught
up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and
hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said,
"beep," and he was UP.
He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,,
"What's all this "beep beep" shit?"
54 Year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening and read's: Dear Wife (that's what
he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the
hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54
and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year
old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!!!!
Nature of Hell
A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for
his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives
off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a
proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So,
we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and
death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are
added. This gives two possibilities:
#1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
#2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase
of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until
Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my
Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep
with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not
succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true,
and so Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
Monday, February 26, 2007
A fortunate coincidence
John: "I'm glad you named me John."
Mother: "Why?"
John: "Because that's what all the kids at school call
me."
Five Fingers
A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money.
On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five
fingers.
"Oh darling!" she squeals with delight, Does that mean five times?"
"No", says the old fellow, "it means that you can pick one out."
A bored woman says to her husband
A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together,
"Guess what I have in here and you'll get some loving tonight."
The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all
replies, "An elephant".
The wife sez "That's close enough!"
Two Nuns and a Blind Man
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother
Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring
about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their
habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the
nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each
other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room,
they open the door.
"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
True Love
Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"
Excuse to smoke
Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was
always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up
after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."
She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good
cigarette after sex."
He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever
smoked, and he replied that he had never.
Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's
your excuse then?"
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
"I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
"Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"The coffee machine is broken..."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
" ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
Love Poem 1
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says I love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn
Approximately ten excuses for not doing homework:
• I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
• I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
• I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
• I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
• I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
• I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
• I couldn't figure out whether I am the square of negative one or I am the square root of negative one.
• I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee, and then I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
• I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
How accountants do it...
Accountants do it by the book.
Accountants do it within budget.
Accountants do it to the bottom line.
Accountants do it with double entries.
Accountants do it between spreadsheets.
Accountants are Certified to do it in Public.
Accountants do it without losing their balance.
Things you would NOT want to see happen at the ATM
• You go to get a balance inquiry, and instead of printing out a receipt the screen says: "Not worth wasting paper", and ejects your card. You try to get a balance inquiry, and the screen says: "Account not found." and keeps your card.
• You insert your card, and try to get some cash, and the ATM laughs and spits out your shredded card.
• You withdraw some money to pay some bills, count it, and the screen says: "What, you thought there was some EXTRA there? HA!", and ejects your card clear across the room.
• You think you've got $100 in your account and go to take out $50, and the screen says: "Not in this lifetime." and laughs as you bang on the machine, trying desperately to get your card back that the machine has taken.
• You go to the ATM, and there's a picture of you a-la-"Most Wanted" staring forlornly at the ATM camera with a caption that reads: "Wanted for trying to get water from a dry well."
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Think again
Behind every successful man is good woman
Behind every successful man, is a woman, behind her, is his wife
A deed of kindness
His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to eke out a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby boy He dropped his tools and ran to the boy there, mired to his waist in black muck, was terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.
The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman’s sparse surroundings. Moreover, elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy farmer Fleming had saved.
“I want to repay you,” said the nobleman, “You saved my son’s life”.
“No I can not accept payment for what I did,” the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer’s own son came to the door of the family hovel.
“Is that your son?” the nobleman asked.
“Yes,” the farmer replied proudly.
“I’ll” make you deal. Let me take him and give him a good education. If lad is anything like his father, he’ll grow to a man you can be proud of.”
And that he did. In time, farmer Fleming’s son graduated from St.Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the World as noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discover of penicillin.
Years afterwards, the nobleman’s son was stricken with pneumonia. What saved him? Penicillin.
The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His sons name. Sir Winston Churchill.
A short Course in Human Relations
The six most important words : “I admit I made a mistake”
The five most important words : “You did a good job”
The four most important words : “What is your opinion?”
The three most important words : “If you please”
The two most important words : “Thank You”
The one most important word : “We”
The least important word : “I”
Words of Wisdom
• There is nothing so easy to gain and nothing so difficult to apply as Experience. Now and then, it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. When you lose, do not lose the lesson.
By: Dalai Lama.
• When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby.
By: Nigerian Proverb.
• Every man is the architect of his own fortune
By: Appius Claudius.
• It is only the wisest and stupidest who never change.
By: Confucius.
• The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
By: Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Work hard and be Happy
Happiness & joy’s one cannot measure
Gold & Money give part time pleasure
However, truth & hard work are real Treasure.
It’s woman’s world not men
When he is born people ask “how is the mother”?
When he gets married people comment, “the bride is beautiful” and
When he dies, they enquire, “How much he left for her”.
A recipe for a Good Life.
Ingredients:-
5 cups of Love
4 cups of Kindness
3 cups of loyalty
1 cup of hope
2 spoons of cheerfulness
Some slices of humor
Some sympathy
And 3 spoons of laughter
How to make: Take love & Kindness & mix well with hope. Add loyalty & blend until a paste is formed. Add cheerfulness. Chop the humor finely & add it. Sprinkle it with laughter.
-Good Life is Ready.
Albert Einstein
A hundred times everyday I remind myself that my inner and outer life depended on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert my self in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.
VALUES OF GOOD LIFE
• No one ever injured their eyesight from looking at the bright side of things
• Love is quicksilver in the hand. Leave fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.
• By seeing the seed of failure in every success, we remain humble. By seeing the seed of success in every failure we remain hopeful.
• Love is too strong a word to say too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late.
• The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.
• There are two gifts we can give to our children: One is the roots. The other is wings.
• Love is not finding someone to live with. It is finding someone you cannot live without.
• Great men are they who see that the spiritual is stronger than any material force, that thoughts rule the world.
• Do not expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong.
Intelligent and Stupid
Intelligent Man + Intelligent Woman = Romance
Intelligent Man + Stupid Woman = Pregnancy
Stupid Man + Intelligent Woman = Affair
Stupid Man + Stupid Woman = Marriage
Fast Life.
In era of fast life, every body wants to, over take others. The same concept applied to our driving also, specially the youngsters. They enjoy driving rashly, ignoring the traffic rules, which sometimes proves fatal. Here are few messages for those people who enjoy fast and rash driving.
• If you drive like hell, you will soon reach there.
• If is better to reach home late rather reaching heaven before time.
• If you do not wear helmets, you might become hell-mate.
• Rash driving may lead to crash bones & cash bills.
• There is no shortcut to hospital from here had better follow traffic rules.
• Driving fast as the ball was hitter by baseball bat will lead you to hospital bistre.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
GOOD HUSBAND
If you want a good husband, marry a Soldier. Only he can make beds, sew, cook and most important of all, he is used to take orders.
HAPPINESS
• Needs can be met, greed’s never.
• Anticipation breeds frustration.
• If sickness is unavoidable, relax and enjoy it.
• A good day’s work begins with a good night’s rest.
• Anger is an expensive luxury in which only men of a certain income can indulge.
KNOWLEDGE VERSUS WISDOM
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. It may not be difficult to store up in the mind a vast quantity of facts within a comparatively short time. However, the ability to form the judgment requires the severe discipline of hard work and the tempering heat of experience and maturity.
5 WAY TEST FOR POPULARITY
• With courtesy, you avoid insult.
• With magnanimity, you win all.
• With sincerity, man will trust you.
• With earnestness, you will have success.
• With kindness, you will fit to command others.
JRD TATA – THE LEGEND
“I have done well in life not because of any innate abilities on my part. It is because I read and because I listen to people”.
“I can see India becoming a Superpower not in Military sense but on Economic Superpower”.
JRD Tata died in Geneva on 29-11-1993.
LEARN THROUGH FAILURE
• Failure should be our teacher, not the undertaker.
• Failure should challenge us to new heights. Not pull us to despair.
• Failure is delay but not the defeat.
• Failure is a temporary detour not a dead end sheet.
• Failure is a man who has blundered and is not able to cash in the experience.
• The greatest glory consists not in failing but rising every time you may fall.
SOME THOUGHTS TO PONDER
• When house & land are gone, then learning is most important.
• Pure & Complete sorrow is as impossible as complete joy.
• A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
SWEAT & TEARS
Both sweat & tears are wet and salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you only sympathy but sweat will get you change.
Sir Winston Churchill said…
“When I look back on all these worries. I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”.
Chinese Lunar Calendar
The Chinese Lunar Calendar names each of the 12 years after an animal. Legend has it that Lord Buddha summoned all the animals to come to him before he departed from Earth. Only 12 animals came to bid him farewell and as a reward he named a year after each one in the order they arrived.
Source : Times of India – Feb- 9-2005.
Some thoughts to ponder on…
The only thing that can keep growing without nourishment is an ego.
An honest confession is good for soul, but bad for the reputation.
TIME
Time is too fast for those who enjoy,
Time is too short for those who toil,
Time is eternity for those who love
Time is too slow for those who wait
Time is too long for those who mourn
TRUTH 01
To die for truth is not to die merely for one’s faith, or one’s country; it is to die for the world.
Their blood is shed in confirmation of noblest claim – the claim to feed upon immortal truth, to walk with God and be divinely free.
I asked God
• I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. But God said “No, his spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
• I asked God to grant me patience, God said, “No, patience is a by-product of tribulation. It is not granted, it is earned”.
• I asked God to take away my pain. God said, “No it is not for me to take away, but for you give it up’.
• I asked God to give me happiness, God said, “No, I give you blessings, Happiness is up to you”.
• I asked God to spare me from pain, God said, “No, suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me”.
• I asked God to make my spirit grow, God said “No, you must grow on your own, But I will prune you to make you fruitful”.
• I asked God for all things so that I might enjoy life, God said, “No, I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things”.
• I asked God to help me love others as much as he loves me God Said, “Ahhh, Finally! You are on the right path” (YOU have the idea).
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
LIFE
God’s game is computerized
Injustice no where arise
As you sow, so you get
In your hand is your fate
TRUTH 02
Logic is the art of convincing us of some truth - By Bruye’re
The truth is always the strongest argument – By Sophocles
In the mountains of truth, you never climb in vain. Either you already reach a higher point today, or you exercise your strength in order to be able to climb higher tomorrow – By Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.
TRUTH
Logic is the art of convincing us of some truth - By Bruye’re
The truth is always the strongest argument – By Sophocles
In the mountains of truth, you never climb in vain. Either you already reach a higher point today, or you exercise your strength in order to be able to climb higher tomorrow – By Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.
SAINT TUKARAM said…
Let us not cry about the darkness enveloping us; let us light a lamp and dispel what little we can.
Luck & Hard Work
* If you succeed then it is hard work, if others succeed then it is luck.
* If your name appears, in one space in the first attempt, it is luck and after several attempts, it is hard work.
* Success is what happens, when luck follows hard work and opportunity.
* For Indian conditions – neither luck nor hard work, because in India, lucky person ever work hard and hard workers are never lucky.
* Neither, the correct answer is ‘Success’ since nothing succeeds like success.
* Both, Hard work & Luck is essential for everything e.g., hard work is required for cooking a dish and luck is required to make it tasty. Luck is unknown accidental spice, which makes the dish success.
* Success is a child, while luck and hard work are the parents. So, it is difficult a question as to which of the (parents) is more responsible for the issue?
Monday, February 19, 2007
LIFE by Mother Theresa
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is a sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is a adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
By : Mother Theresa
“FOLLOW YOUR DREAM” Last words of Kalpana Chawla
The Last words of Astronaut Kalpana Chawla.
Indian born & educated NASA Astronaut. Kalpana Chawla who was killed on 1st February 2003 when STS 107, the ill-starred US Columbia Space shuttle blew up as it returned to earn after a successful mission said in an e-mail from Columbia to students of her former school in karnal (Haryana):
“The path from dreams to success does exist. May you have the vision to find it, the courage to get on with it, and perseverance to follow it? Wishing you great journey”
A Successful Person
A successful person is one who can earn more than the amount, which his wife can spend, and a successful wife is one who can find such person.
THREE THINGS……….
Three things to respect; Old age, Religion and Law.
Three things to Love; Honesty, Purity and Hard work.
Thee things to admire; Beauty, Intellect and Character.
Three things to cultivate; Courage, Cheerfulness and Contentment.
Three things to Avoid; Smoking, Drinking and Gambling.
Three things to control; Speech, Behavior and Action.
Three things to prevent; Laziness, Falsehood and Slang.
ON LUCK
Labors are just like a pen, which inevitably needs the strong hands of luck to compose the poetry of life.
Now – a – day’s success depends upon three important factors, money, muscle power and influential friends and relatives.
Certainly hard work, but luck too is important if we take it in the following way “What we call luck, is simply pluck, and doing things over and over courage and will, perseverance and skill. Are the four leaves of luck’s clover”.
Well, for a lucky man it’s hard work and for a hard working man its luck
If one succeeds, it is definitely hard work. However, if one fails its “hard” luck.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Children learn what they LIVE
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns to do justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
The ‘TRIOS’ for the frame of mind
The ‘TRIOS’ for the frame of mind
The trio that never waits – time, death, customer
The trio that you get once in life – Mother, Father, youth.
The trio that never returns – Arrow, Words, Life.
The trio that aids progress – Almighty, Hard work, knowledge.
The trio that deserves mercy – the child, the hungry, the handicapped.
The trio to abstain from – bad company, selfishness, slander.
The trio never to forget – debt, duty, illness.
Gifts you Should Possess
The Spark to Imagine
The Daring to Innovate
The Discipline to Plan
The Skill to do.
The will to Achieve.
The Commitment to be responsible
The Leadership to Motivate
The Courage to Decide
RISKS
To laugh is to risk appearing fool;
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental;
To reach out for another is to risk involvement;
To expose your feeling is to risk exposing your true self;
To love is to risk not being loved in return;
To place your ideas, your dream before the crowd is to risk the loss;
To live is to risk dying;
To hope is to risk failure;
To try at all is to risk failure;
However, risk we must.
Because the greatest hazards to life is to risk nothing;
The man who risks nothing
Does nothing…have anything…is nothing…?
He may avoid suffering...but he simply cannot learn,
Feel, change, grow, love or live.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.
He has forfeited freedom.
Only the person who risk can be called a free man.
The Nature Of the man
Man comes into this without his consent and leaves it against his will.
On earth, he is misjudged and misunderstood.
In infancy he is an angel, in boyhood, he is a devil, in manhood he is a fool.
If he has a wife and a Family, he is a champion. If he is a Bachelor, he is a bachelor, he is
Inhuman and mean.
If he enters a public house, he is Drunkard.
If he steps out, he is Temperate, Fanatic and Miser.
If he is Rich, he has all the luck in the world and he is a Crook.
If he has Brains, he is considered to be smart.
If he goes to Religious place he is a Hypocrite, if he stays away he is Sinful.
If he gives in Charity into the world, everyone wants to kiss him, before he goes out of
this world, every one wants to kick him.
If he dies Young, there was great Future for him.
If lives to a ripe Old Age every body hopes he has made a will capital.
It is therefore impossible to please everybody, so do your duty and be fearless.
Use your own common sense and if you make a mistake, its better than doing nothing.
So keep smiling as no one wants to hear about your troubles or better still, nobody wants
anything about your troubles.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
GOD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU
One night, I had a dream. I was walking along the beach with God and across the skies flashed scenes from my life. In each scene, I noticed two set of footprint in the sands, and to my surprise, I noticed that along the path of my life there was only one sets of footprint, and I noticed that it was the lowest and saddest time in my life. I asked God about it, “God you said once, I decided to follow you; you will walk with me all the way. However, I noticed that during the most troublesome time in my life, there was only one set of footprint. I do not understand why you left my side when I needed you most”. God said, “My precious child, I never left you during your time of trial. Where you see only one set of footprint, I was carrying you”.
INTERESTING ASPECTS OF WOMAN
- A good woman inspires a man
- A beautiful woman fascinates him
BEING OPTIMIST
The essence of optimism is that it takes no account of the present, but it is a source of inspiration, of vitality and hope where others have resigned; it enables a man to hold his head high, to claim the future for himself and not to abandon it to his enemy.
By: Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Everybody, my friend, everybody lives for something better to come. That is why we want to be considerate of every man who knows what’s him, why he was born and what he can do?
By: Maxim Gorky
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible words; and the pessimist fears this is true.
By: James Branch Cabell.
VALUES OF GOOD LIFE
- More quantity, less quality
We write more, but learn less, plan, more, but accomplish less.
We have learned, to rush, but not to wait.
We have higher incomes, but lower morale.
We have higher incomes, but lower morale.
More food but less appeasement, more types of food, but less nutrition.
More acquaintances, but fewer friends.
More efforts, but less success.
We build better computers to hold more information
To produce more copies than ever, but have less communication
We have become long on quantity but short on quality
These are the times of fast foods & slow digestion
Tall men & short characters,
Steep profits & Shallow relationships
These are days of fancier incomes, but broken homes.
- It is a time there is much in the show window & very little in the stockroom.
Indeed, it is all very true! Even I did not believe it! However, it is the eternal truth!
Think about it…………………………
- Read, it again! It may not make a difference
However, we may end up living better!
10 POINTS FORMULA FOR A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE
* Never, both are angry at the same time.
* Never, yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
* If one has to win, the argument let it be your mate.
* If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
* Never, bring up mistakes of the past.
* Never, go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
* At least once every day try to say one kind or complimentary word to your life partner.
* When you have something wrong be ready to admit and ask for forgiveness.
* It takes two to make a quarrel and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.
Friday, February 16, 2007
EVERYBODY CAN BE WON
* A FRIEND BY Sincerity and Conduct
* AN ENEMY BY Prudence and Power
* A MISER BY Wealth
* A MASTER BY Service
* A WIFE BY Tenderness
* A RELATIVE BY Patience
* A PASSIONATE MAN BY Praises
* A FOOL BY Stories
* A WISE MAN BY Knowledge
* A TASTEFUL MAN BY Humor.
EVERYONE BY Good Behavior
LIFE’S LITTLE INSTRUCTIONS
- Spend less time worrying who is right, and more time deciding what is right.
- Don’t waste time learning the tricks of the trade instead learn the trade.
- Stop blaming others, take responsibility for every area of your life.
- Never cut, what cannot be united?
- Do battle against prejudice and discrimination wherever you find it.
- Focus on making things better not bigger.
- Contentment is the greatest happiness.
- All the evils are hidden by the cruel death. Only the good qualities will remain on the tongue of the people. So always try to do best in future.
MONEY TALK
- No mountain is so high that an ass loaded with gold cannot climb it.
- In every trade and pursuit of life, both the rich and the poor are to be found.
- Men now worship gold to the neglect of Gods. By gold, good faith is banished and justice is sold.
- A little house filled with peace and joy, a field well tilled, a little wife filled with love and affection, are great riches.
- There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
- Business is like ridding a bicycle. Either you keep moving or you fall down.
- A man, who cannot sit still in his chamber and who cannot say no, is not fit for business.
VALUES FOR GOOD LIFE 01
*
We have increased our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, but listen too little
We have learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We have added years to life, but not life to years.
We have been all the way to the moon & back, but have trouble crossing
The street to meet the new neighbour.
*We have conquered outer space, but not inner space.
We have done larger things, but not better things.
We have cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We have split the atom, but not our prejudice.
LAWS OF SUCCESS
* THE GREATEST THOUGHT God.
* THE GREATEST LOSS Loss of Self Confidence.
* THE GREATEST NEED Common Sense.
* THE GREATEST MISTAKE Giving Up.
* THE GREATEST BLESSING Good Health.
* THE GREATEST OPPURTUNITY The Next one.
* THE GREATEST VICTORY Victory Over Self.
* THE GREATEST HANDICAP Egoism.
* THE GREATEST SIN Gossip.
* THE GREATEST CRIPPLER Fear.
* THE MOST SATISFYING EXPERIENCE Doing Your Duty First.
* THE MOST CERTAIN THING IN LIFE Change.
* THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN The Liar.
* THE MOST RIDICULOUS TRAIT False Pride.
* THE BIGGEST FOOL The Man who lies to himself.
* THE BEST PLAY Successful Work.
* THE BEST ACTION Keep The Mind Clear & The
Judgment Good.
* THE CLEVEREST MAN The One who does what he thinks
Is right.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Rabindranath Tagore wisdom
* Where the mind is without fear……and the head is held high, * Where the Knowledge is lent free * Where the world has not been ……broken up by narrow domestic walls: * Where the words come out, more...
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Pregnancy survival tips video
I got this video from you tube please watch this video
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THE ART OF HAPPY LIVING
- BE TRUE YOURSELF – ACCEPTING YOUR LIMITATIONS.
- LIVE JOYFULLY – YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY.
- DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN.
- LEARN THE HEALING POWER OF FORGIVENESS.
- FORGET YOUR MISTAKES – DON’T HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST
YOURSELF.
- LIKE YOURSELF – ACCEPT YOUR IMPERFECTIONS.
- BE GENUINE – DO NOT BE AFRAID TO BE DIFFERENT.
- HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN – YOU ARE TOUGHER THAN YOU THINK.
- BE AN INDIVIDUAL – LEARN TO KEEP YOUR IDENTITY.
- ACCEPT THE OTHER FELLOW’S INDIVIDUALITY.
- CONCENTRATE ON LOVING FEELINGS.
- LEARN TO BE CALM – TAKE AN ANNUAL VACATION.
- DO NOT RETIRE – YOU ARE AS YOUNG AS YOU FEEL.
Abraham Lincoln (DEFEAT IS THE STEPPING STONE OF SUCCESS)
DEFEAT IS THE STEPPING STONE OF SUCCESS
By Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln son of woodcutter rose to become 16th President of America.
Failed in Business 1831
Defeated for Legislature 1832
Again failed in Business 1833
Elected to Legislature 1834
Sweet-heart died 1835
Had a nervous break down 1836
Defeated for Speaker 1838
Defeated for Elector 1840
Defeated for Land Officer 1843
Defeated for Congress 1843
Elected for Congress 1846
Defeated for Congress 1848
Defeated for Senate 1855
Defeated for Vice President 1858
Elected President 1860
Assassinated by John Booth 1865
VALUES FOR GOOD LIFE
- We have everything bigger, but smaller outlook
We have taller buildings but shorter tempers
Wider highways but narrower viewpoints
We spend more, but have less,
We have bigger house but smaller families,
More conveniences, but less time,
We have more degrees, but less common sense.
- More knowledge, but less commonsense, less judgement
More experts but more problems,
More medicines, but less well-being,
We spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom.
WORDS OF WISDOM
- Where the mind is without fear
……and the head is held high,
- Where the Knowledge is lent free
- Where the world has not been
……broken up by narrow domestic walls:
- Where the words come out,
………from the depth of truth:
- Where tireless striving stretches
………its arms towards perfection:
- Where the clear stream of reason
……….has not lost its way into
……….dreary sand of dead habit.
- Where the mind is led forward
……….the never widening thought
……….and action
- Into that heaven of freedom,
………let my COUNTRY AWAKE.
By RABINDRANATH TAGORE.
POWER OF WORD
A careless word,
Many kindle strife.
A cruel word,
May wreck a life.
A bitter word,
May instill hate.
A brutal word,
May smite and kill.
A gracious word,
May smooth the way.
A joyous word,
May light the day.
A timely word,
May lessen stress.
A loving word,
May heal and bless.
Alien in the House
this picture is of my friend and i was designed with my mobile software please see this and leave comments
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007
SOME TRUTHS OF LIFE.
- Everything in God’s Creation proves God exists-its perfection, in organization, its
Harmony, its unity and balance!
- It pays to listen to others. Everyone knows at least one thing you don’t.
- Life is like a river. The twists and turns along the way are meant to guide us, not stop
Us.
- Decisions can be hard for a man to make, but hard decisions make a man.
Main difference between PHYSICIAN and ANESTHETIST?
A Physician earns money by making an unconscious patient conscious.
Whereas an Anesthetist earns money by making a conscious patient Unconscious.
What a difference in the Profession!
A New Recipe Try it.
A New Recipe Try it.
Take 1kg of “LOVE”
Add exactly 200gm of “SMILE”
As the mixture is ready.
Add 4 teaspoonful of “TRUST” and 300gm of “SYMPATHY”
Add 250gm of “CONFIDENCE”
Let the mixture get fermented and thickened, and equivalent amount of weight of “HAPPINESS” to the above quantity.
Keep this mixture in deep freeze of “SACRIFICE” for sometime.
After an hour cut it into equal pieces, distribute among “FRIENDS” and “FOES”
This is the recipe named as “LIFE”.
RIDDLE:
First of first is first of you and there are twice zeros too, first of last is last of you. Guess who are you?
Ans: A fool.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERNCE BETWEEN
- A jewelers and a jailer?
One sells watches – while other watches cells.
- A locomotive engineer and a school teacher?
One minds the train – while the other trains the mind.
- A general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have – while other thinks you have what he treats.
A WORLD – WIDE SURVEY
A Survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was………
“Would you please give your honest opinion about solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”
The Survey was a huge failure because……….
In
In
In
In
In the
In
In the
Have a Great Day!
A Survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was………
“Would you please give your honest opinion about solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”
The Survey was a huge failure because……….
In
In
In
In
In the
In
In the
Have a Great Day!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Jim Carey - Stand up Routine - Comedy Store (1996)
This video is about Jim Carey
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LUCK SHINES ON THE DESEVING
Alexander Graham Bell was desperately trying to invent a hearing aid for his partially deaf wife. He failed at inventing a hearing aid but in process discovered the principles of telephone. You wouldn’t call someone like that lucky, would you?
Good luck is when opportunity meets preparation. Without effort and preparation, lucky coincidence don’t happen.
MINDLESS THOUGHTS
Practice makes a person perfect – but nobody is perfect………
So why to practice????
- If its true that we are here to help others……
Then what exactly are others here for????
- Since light travels faster than sound…….
Similarly people appear bright till the time you hear them speak.
- Money is not everything
There is MasterCard and Visa.
- Love the neighbor…..
But don’t get caught.
- Behind every successful man there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man there are ‘two women’
- Every man should marry……
After all, happiness is not only thing in life.
- The wise never marry……
And those who marry may become otherwise.
- Love is photogenic……
It needs darkness to develop
- Your future depends on your dreams….
So go and sleep.
- Hard work never kills anybody…..
But why take risk????
- Work fascinates me…..
I can look at it for hours!!!
- A dress is a like barbed fence
It protects the premises without restricting the view
- The more you learn, the more you know
The more you know the more you forget
The more you forget the less you know
So why you learn???
FAILURE (A STEPPING STONE………)
A STEPPING STONE………
01. Failure doesn’t mean – you are failure
It means – You have not succeeded.
02. Failure doesn’t mean – you have not accomplished things
It means – you have learned something
03. Failure doesn’t mean – That you have been a fool
It means – you had lot of faith.
04. Failure doesn’t mean – you’ve been disgraced
It means – you were willing to try
05. Failure doesn’t mean – you don’t have it
It means – you have to do something in different way
06. Failure doesn’t mean – you are inferior
It means – you are not perfect
07. Failure doesn’t mean – you should give up
It means – you must try harder
08. Failure doesn’t mean – you’ll never make it
It means – it will take you a little longer
09. Failure doesn’t mean – God has abandoned you
It means – God has a better way for you
10 Things I Hate About Commandments
this is a nice video i got it from You tube
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Jokes on husband
I think this is new jokes but if it was routine please excuse me
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SEVEN SINS OF PUBLIC LIFE.
01. Politics without Principles.
MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION
To love means loving the unlovable
To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable
Faith means believing the unbelievable
Hope means hoping when everything is hopeless.
WHAT IS SUCCESS?
Did you know who in 1923 was:
01. President of the largest steel company in US?
02. President of the largest gas company in US?
03. President of the
04. Greatest wheat speculator?
05. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
06. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered some of world’s most successful men. At least they found the secret making money.
CONCLUSION: Stop worrying about business and start playing golf.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
HUMOR ON LAWYER
Q. What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river?
A: Pollution
Q: What do you call all lawyers thrown off a bridge:
A: Solution.
Q: Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died?
A: He was looking for loopholes.
Q: What is the difference between a good lawyer & a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer can make it last ever longer.
HUMOR ON GOVERNMENT MACHINERY
Government machinery is the marvelous device which enables ten men to do the work of one.
Influence
Men were influenced more by romance, sex, hobbies and victories of their favorite sports team, while the happiness of women lay in sunny weather, being with family and losing weight.
VIEW POINT
We Learn from history that men never learn from history.
By Hegil.
A politician will do anything to keep his job – even become a patriot
By William Randolph Hearst.
HUMOR ON COMMUNISM, SOCIALSIM, NAZISM, FACISM AND CAPITALISM
COMMUNISM: If you have tow cows, you give both cows to the government, and then the government sell you some of the milk.
SOCIALISM: If you have two cows, you give both cows to the government, and then the government gives you some of the milk.
NAZISM: If you have two cows, the government shoots you and takes both cows.
FACISM: If you have two cows, you milk both of them and give government half of the milk.
CAPITALISM: If you have two cows, you sell one cow & buy a bull.
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