Difference between Man and Woman

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are only 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage
Do u still wanna get married ?

Huge Kiss

I'am Totally confused is it Apple or Butterfly?

Red Hot and Banana

Times for Positive Thinking

TAKE TIME TO WORK, IT IS THE PRICE OF SUCCESS

TAKE TIME TO THINK, IT IS THE SOURCE OF POWER

TAKE TIME TO PRAY, IT IS THE KEY TO REVELATION

TAKE TIME TO PLAY, IT IS THE SECRET OF YOUTH

TAKE TIME TO READ, IT IS THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS

TAKE TIME TO DREAM, IT IS THE WAY TO MOON,

TAKE TIME TO SERVE, IT IS PRIVILEGE OF GOD.

TAKE TIME TO LAUGH, IT IS THE MUSIC OF SOUL.

MAY YOU HAVE

* ENOUGH Happiness to Keep you Sweet

* ENOUGH Trails to Keep you Strong

* ENOUGH Sorrow to Keep you Human

* ENOUGH Hope to Keep you Happy

* ENOUGH Failure to Keep you Humble

* ENOUGH Success to Keep you Eager

* ENOUGH Friends to Give you Comfort

* ENOUGH Wealth to Meet your needs.

* ENOUGH Enthusiasm to Look Forward.

* ENOUGH Faith to Banish Depression

* ENOUGH Determination to Make each day better than yesterday.

A CHILD WILL MAKE

Love stronger

Day shorter

Nights longer

Pay packets emptier

Clothes shabbier

Past forgotten

Future worth living.

TEMPER

TEMPER

It is a quality that at critical moment brings out the best in steel and worst in man

Stupid questions and great answers

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

30 Definitions of Marriage

1. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but they still stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the “Y” becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

22. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN’T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

TEN FORUMLAS FOR A HAPPIER MARRIAGE

Thou shalt COMMUNICATE with each other.

Thou shalt COMPROMISE when things cannot be changed.

Thou shalt never take each other for GRANTED

Thou shalt KEEP ROMANCE ALIVE in your marriage

Thou shalt not let MONEY come between you

Thou shalt arrange to SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER.

Thou shalt show each other RESPECT & CONSIDERATION

Thou shalt show thy APPRECIATION for each other

Thou shalt earn each others’ TRUST

Thou shalt try to be FRIENDS as well as LOVERS

The Real Friendship

Friendship is like money, more easily made than kept.



Friendship is the green hill by the dusty road of the life.



Friendship is shadow of everything, which strengthens with the setting of the sun of life.

IDEAL SURGEON

IDEAL SURGEON : He has the eyes of an eagle, the heart of a lion and the hands of a woman.

10 POINTS FORMULA FOR SUCCESS

* SPEAK TO PEOPLE : There is nothing as nice, as cheerful greeting

* SMILE : It takes 72 muscles to frown but only 14 to smile.

* THINK HAPPY : You are what your thoughts make you: Think Happy.

* STOP WORRYING : Stop worrying and start living.

* PRAISE : Be generous with praise, cautious with criticism.

* WORK : Let your work be your religion.

* HOPE : Come what may, never give up hope.

* PEOPLE : Be genuinely interested in people. And every thing other than “I”.

* CHALLENGE : Treat each new day as a challenge and live it up to the fullest.

* GIVE BEST : Give the world your best, and the best will come back to you.

UNPALATABLE TRUTHS ON SUCCESS

Self confidence comes from success and not vice-versa. Life is cobweb. The lines cross at funny angles. Success depends on how you reach to unexpected opportunities. If you have a parent who owns a successful business and he is good to you when he dies, it is a surer way to top than anything else is. Thus for success you must find a horse to ride. Answer to ninety-nine questions out of hundred is Money People are me-oriented. The most popular words are me, my and mine. You and yours aren’t even in the top 20 It is possible to succeed in the world of the business or politics or life all yourself, but it is not easy. And its always fool hardy A top business school president advised to his faculty as follows: “ Be nice to your A grade students because they’ll come back and be your colleagues, but be exceptionally nice to your B & C grade students because they will come back and give us a new auditorium and a new science building. No matter how brilliant you are, it never pays to cast your lot with loser. The best officer on the Titanic wound up in the same lifeboat as the worst. And that if he was lucky to stay out of the water.

A LOVE AFFAIR

• You say you Love me. However, sometimes you do not show it.

• In the beginning, you could not do enough for me. Now you take me for granted.

• May be, when I am gone, you’ll appreciate me and all the things I have done for you.

• I am responsible for the food on your table, for clothes you wear and the home you like.

• I have kept quiet and waited to see, how long, it would take you to realize, how much you really need me.

• Cherish me…. Take good care of me…. And I’ll take good care of you

WHO AM I?

ANSWER: I AM your Job.

A Love Letter

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 27th of July. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.


I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

Romeo ( HR Executive )

DIVORCE

The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!

Idiots on the computer

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.
__________________

The husband store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

How bankers do it...

Bankers do it risk-free.

Bankers do it just for money.

Bankers charge a fee each time they do it.

Bankers do it with varying rates of interest.

Bankers do it with a penalty for early withdrawal.

Corruption

Q: What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines?

A: In US, they go to jail. In Philippines, they go to US!

JOKES ON HUSBAND

How do you make your husband laugh on Saturday?



Tell him a joke on Wednesday.



Why should husbands be made to work even on Sunday?



So you don’t have to re-train them on Monday.

THE FORMULA FOR HAPPY & PROSPEROUS LIFE

THE FORMULA FOR HAPPY & PROSPEROUS LIFE

+ ( Add ) Happiness

X ( Multiply ) Achievement

Divide : Failures

Subtract : Sorrow.

An Indian Hosptial

People think that a hospital is a drab and miserable place. That, since patients come for a cure for their illness they generally has a bleak and dreary air about them. That, this then rubs off on to the Doctors and nurses who as a consequence adopt a defensive brusqueness and bland exterior.

On the contrary, the hospital is often a place of great humors and lightheartedness, and human foibles get laughed at in much the same of moments of mirth’ and I have only been richer for the experience.

Hospital humor comes in variety of shapes and sizes. I still remember our teacher in medical college chiding a freshman on poor history taking. The freshman had been assigned to a patient who had a peculiar bowel disturbance. The freshman had been, like all fellows new to the job, pretty direct in his questioning. He asked the patient what the problem was. The teacher broke in to tell him that this was not the way to obtain delicate personal information. The teacher volunteered to show us how to ask such question and putting his hand on the patient’s shoulder, gently enquired-‘My dear man, do you have a problem with you toilet?’ To which the patient nodded brightly and replied, “Yes Sir, Thank you for asking. The roof leaks.”

Another time, a villager from Uttar Pradesh in India came with a mass in his neck that had, as goiters tend to do in that part of the country, grown quite big. We wanted a clinical photograph of the thyroid swelling for our teaching files. The patient was accordingly told to come for his photograph the following day. He duly presented himself with wife and son in law, in freshly laundered clothes and a generous amount of talcum powder applied to his face.

He innocently explained to the surprised nurse that he did not want his picture taken alone and that he wished to include his family as well. There are stories galore of how patients and doctors find humor a source of comfort in desperate situations. Like the patient who started auto-urine therapy for a highly invasive cancer, and when asked if wasn’t worried about bad breath, he explained that bad breath was better than no breath at all.

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

Oops!

* Has anyone seen my watch?

* That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.

* Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

* Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?

* OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

* Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

* Come back with that! Bad Dog!

* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

* Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingies

* If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.

* Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

* Damn, there go the lights again...

* Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.

* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

* Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

* I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

* Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

* Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?

* What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!

* What do you mean, he's not insured?

* This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

* Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

* Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

* What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

* I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.

* Let's hurry; I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"

* That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?

* Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving.

* Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?

* Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!

* FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

A very intresting love story.

I think all of you knew this love story, if not please enjoy by reading this

Love story :
Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain. But villain loves hero's sister,and hero's sister loves heroine's brother. Here, heroine's brother loves villain's sister. But villain's sister loves hero's brother. Again!, hero's brother is also interested in heroine , and you alredy know that heroine loves villain.

Finally 2 people commits sucide.

Who're they?


Producer and the Director

WHO IS DOCTOR

Protects & Cares for you…….. Like a Mother. Takes Responsibility & Decisions…….. Like a Father. Gives Reassurance & Support…… Like a Grand Father. Brings a Smile on Your Face……. Like a Friend. Guides you about your Health……… Like a Teacher.

Conclusion : you now I am also Doctor, because I was making all of you Laugh. So I am a Doctor without a Degree

P + 5E + 3H = HAPPINESS

Eureka! Eureka! Shouted Archimedes running naked down the lanes. Don’t know what these researchers will yell. Psychologist Carol Cohen has worked out an equation to quantify happiness after interviewing 1000 people says in the equation,

P stands for Personal characteristics (outlook on life, adaptability, resilience),

E stands for Existence (health, friendship, financial stability),

H stands for Higher order (self-esteem, expectations, ambition).


Therefore Happiness = P + 5E + 3H

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Silly Definitions 2

NEIGHBOUR’S ENVY OWNER’S PRIDE

Enough is just a little more than the neighbors have.

INSANITY : Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your children.

GOOD DIPLOMAT : A diplomat is a person who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never her age

PATRIOTISM

No man is worth is Salt Who is not ready at all times To risk his body, to risk his well-being, to risk life, In a great cause. By Theodore Roosevelt. Your Conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

By George Bernard Shaw

YOU SEND ME ANY PLACE

A notorious shopkeeper died and was taken to Dharmaraj (God of Death). His account was examined and found perfectly balanced. He had many good deeds to his credit and also bad deeds on the debit side. Dharmaraj thought on the subject and told the shopkeeper that he could go either to heaven or hell. Immediately the shopkeeper replied, “You send me to any place where I can make reasonable profits. “.

TRUE FRIENDS

“TRUE Friends”, are like diamonds, very precious and rare.

“FALSE Friends”, are like autumn leaves found everywhere

Two persons cannot be friends if they cannot forgive one another.

Don’t be afraid of the enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friend who flatter you.

SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT CONVERSATION

The art of conversation is to be prompt without being stubborn : to refute without Argument, and to clothe great matters in a motley garb. By: Disraeli.

Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affection, free from indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood. By: Shakespeare

The best evidence of your culture is the tone and temper of your conversation. By: Granville Kleiser.

A single conversation across the table with the wise man is a worth a Month’s study of books. By: Chinese Proverb

The great gift of conversation lies less in displaying if ourselves than in drawing it out of others. He who leaves your company pleased with himself and owns cleverness is perfectly well pleased with you. By: Breyere.

Life is like a game of cards

When in love, it is all hearts

When engaged, it is all diamonds

When married, it is all clubs

When dead, it is all spades

Know more about men

01. Men are like…………Bank Accounts,

Without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest

02. Men are like……….Commercials

You can’t believe a word they say.

03. Men are like………Floor Tiles

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years

04. Men are like………Chocolates Bars,

Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your lips

05. Men are like………Coffee

The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

06. Men are like……….Blenders

You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

07. Men are like……….Coolers

Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere

08. Men are like……….Copiers

You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.

09. Men are like………….Government Bonds

They take so long to mature

10. Men are like……….Newborn Babies,

They’re cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their crap

GAME OF LOVE

Greet her on birthday

That would be best play

WHAT KIND?

Q. What kind of cookies do birds like?

A. Chocolate Chirp.

Q. What word is always spelled uncorrectly?

A. Incorrectly.

Q. What has four legs but can’t move?

A. A table.

Q. Why is the computer so good at golf?

A. Because it has a hard drive.

Q. How do bees brush their hair?

A. With a honeycomb.

Q. How do you make soup into gold?

A. Put 24 carrots in it?

RIGHT TRAITS FOR ACHIEVEMENT

* Self Command To turn on a day when it begins.
* Self Discipline To turn it off when it ends.
* Courage To accept a challenge.
* True Grit To preserve.
* Determination To what others think is impossible.
* Admiration Of the good wherever it is found.
* Will To change what should not be accepted.
* Adjustment To accept that which cannot be changed.
* Knowledge Of self and honest to face it.
* Friendliness That causes a dog to wag his tail.
* Gentleness That beckons a child to turn after you.
* The Joy That comes from glass of cold water, a delicious meal and a Good bed.

Inteligent VS Stupid

Intelligent Man + Intelligent Woman = Romance

Intelligent Man + Stupid Woman = Pregnancy

Stupid Man + Intelligent Woman = Affair

Stupid Man + Stupid Woman = Marriage

TEN MARKS OF A GOOD CITIZEN

01. He is well informed on local and world affairs.

02. He is courteous, unselfish & friendly – gets along well with others – is a good neighbor.

03. He is sincere, dependable and takes an active part in the religious Community of his choice.

04. He appreciates what others have done for him & accepts responsibility for the future betterment of his community.

05. He is fair & just in his relations with others.

06. He obeys the laws of his community & the nation.

07. He votes regularly & intelligently at election.

08. He is interested in the freedom & welfare of the entire world’s people.

09. He is productive & renders worthwhile service

10. He sets a good example to the youth of his community.

BEING POSITIVE

Forget the negative and put your trust in the positive. When your senses are engaged on goodness, then you will create light and fragrance, when engaged in impurity you create smoke and darkness. A man who possesses cheerfulness my not utter even a word, but those who come into contact with him, mark the lines of goods spirits on his face and this brings happiness on their faces also. In order to make man acquire other virtues, he has to be taught, but the quality called cheerfulness travels of its owns self to his face and gets possession of him. I often wonder why I struggle, why I fight to live but then, I find the milky white moon standing amidst the sky, I watch each little star turn darkness to light. Then I learn the greatest truth that all mankind ought to see, that by living I give to the word what it has given to me.

RULES FOR A GOOD DAY

01. TODAY I WILL NOT STRIKE BACK If some one is rude, if someone is impatient, if someone unkind….I will not respond in a like manner.

02. TODAY I WILL ASK GOD TO BLESS MY “ENEMY” If I come across someone who treats me harshly or unfairly. I will quietly ask God to bless that individual. I understand the “enemy” could be family member, neighbor, co-worker, or a stranger.

03. TODAY I WILL BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAY I will carefully choose and guard my words being certain that I do not spread gossip.

04. TODAY I WILL GO THE EXTRA MILE I will find ways to help share the burden of another person.

05. TODAY I WILL FORGIVE I will forgive any hurts or injury that came my way.

06. TODAY I WILL DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE, BUT I WILL DO IT SECRETLY: I will reach out anonymously and bless the life of another.

07. TODAY I WILL TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WISH TO BE TREATED I will practice the golden rule – “Do unto others as I would have them do unto me” – with everyone I encounter.

08. TODAY I WILL RAISE THE SPIRIT OF SOMEONE! DISCOURAGED: My smile, my words, my expression of support, can make the difference to someone who is wrestling in life.

09. TODAY I WILL NUTURE MY BODY I will eat less: I will eat only healthy foods. I will thank God for my body. 10. TODAY I WILL I WILL GROW SPIRITUALLY; I will spend a little more time in prayer today: I will begin reading something spiritual or inspirational today: I will find a quite place (at some point during the day) and listen to God’s voice!!!

Think Before.........

Before you speak………Listen


Before you write………Think


Before you spend………Earn


Before you invest………Investigate


Before you criticize………Wait


Before you pray……….Forgive


Before you quit………Try


Before you retire……….Save


Before you die……….Live

BE THE BEST OF WHATEVER YOU ARE

If you can’t be a pine on top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley – but be
The best little scrub by the side of the hill,
Be a bush, if you cannot be a tree.

If you cannot be a bush, be a bit of the grass
And some highway happier make
If you cannot be a Muskier then just be a bass,
But, the loveliest bass in the lake!

We cannot all be captains; we have to be crew,
There is something for all of us here,
There is a big work to do and there is lesser to do
The task we must do is the near

If you cannot be a highway, then just be a trail
If you cannot be the sun, be a star;
It is not by the size that you win or you fail-
Be the best of WHATEVER YOU ARE.

By Douglas Malloch (American Poet)

How a Son / Daughter thinks of his / her Daddy at different ages.

At 04 Years: My daddy is great

At 06 Years: My daddy knows every body.

At 10 Years: My daddy is good but is short tempered.

At 12 Years: My daddy was very nice to me when I was young.

At 14 Years: My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years: My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years: My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years: Oh! It is becoming difficult to tolerate daddy wonder how mom put up with him.

At 25 Years: Daddy objecting to everything.

At 30 Years: It is becoming difficult to manage my son I was scared of father when I was young.

At 40 Years: Daddy brought me up with so much discipline even I should do the same.

At 45 Years: I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years: My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years: My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.

At 60 Years: My daddy is great.

Thus it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st stage………..

Have You Thought of it!

ART OF MEDICINE

Art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. By Voltaire.

ADVERTISEMENT, DIPLOMACY AND GREAT MAN.

ADVERTISEMENT : Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark, you know what you are doing but nobody does.

DIPLOMACY : The art of saying something when you have nothing to say or of saying nothing when you have something to say.

GREAT MAN : When I met him I was looking down. When I left him I was looking up.

Tips for saving your Job

What Happen on that Morning

---

One fine morning , every thing was going smooth as usual.


Suddenly, the motors screeched with a sudden brake, when every one in the city just could not believe what had happened toAmerica .


It was in New York where the scene was one of total chaos. People cried out in shame.


Many were blaming the former president Mr. Bill Clinton.


Hillary stood staring at her darling husband.


Clinton came to the crowd and said in his words, "I'm Innocent; It's really ridiculous to say I'm the only man behind all these cases. Slowly, I feel I'm losing confidence in myself".


Are you curious to know what had happened???

To see what happen Click Here

Source : Some masala forum

Note : I dont want to hurt any body with this if any body hurted please forgive me.

Silly Answers

Q. What washes up on very small beaches?

A. Microwaves!

Q. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?

A. A hole!

Q. What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?

A. The road!

Q. How do you make a bandstand?
A. Take away their chairs!

Q. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A. The scientists were brainstorming!

Q. Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A. Because he couldn't find a date!

Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!

Q. What did Pooh say to his agent?
A. Show me the honey!

Q. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A. Because he was sitting on the deck!

Q. Why did the traffic light turn red?
A. You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

Q. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!

Q. What do lawyers wear to court?
A. Lawsuits!

Q. What breaks when you say it?
A. Silence!

Q. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!

Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck!

Q. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A. Post Office!

Q. What did the blanket say to the bed?
A. Don't worry, I've got you covered!

Q. Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A. To draw the curtains!

Q. How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A. One! After that its not empty!

Q. What kind of button won't unbutton?
A. A bellybutton!

Latest MMS hot couple in bed room, any age people can see this MMS

CLICK HERE

All about Love and Bathroom

Please enter with Love

TEARS & MARRIAGE

TEARS : The hydraulic, by which masculine power is defeated by Feminine power.

MARRIAGE : An institution in which the boy loses his bachelor’s degree and the girl gets her masters.

Do you Know? if not learn

Do you know all about April 1?
Yes, I'm fooly aware of it!

What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day?
On one you're thankful and on the other you're prankful!

Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
Because they've just finished a long March!

What's the best day for monkey business?
The first of Ape-ril!

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ?
Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !

Who invented fractions ?
Henry the 1/8 !

What does "Minimum" mean ?
A very small mother !

What does "Maximum" mean ?
A very big mother !

What's the difference between an American student and an English student ?
About 3000 miles !

What sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?
A kipper !

What's the nearest thing to silver ?
The Lone Ranger's bottom !

Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich ?
Because the poor have nothing worth taking !

What kind of biscuit would you find at the south pole ?
A penguin !

What is a skeleton ?
Bones, with the person off !

What is "out of bounds" ?
An exhausted kangaroo !

What is the most slippery country in the world ?
Greece !

What might you eat in Paris ?
The trifle tower !

If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five ?
Nine !

Who was the best actor in the bible ?
Samson, he brought the house down !

What kind of fish can't swim ?
Dead ones !

What do golfers use in China ?
China tees !

What is the strongest bird ?
A crane !

What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea ?
It gets wet !

What do Scotsmen eat ?
Tart'n'pie !

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !

Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you ?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you back !

Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here !

Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age ?
Pupil: The sausage !

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !

Teacher: You new here aren't you, what's your name ?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.

Teacher: Why is that ?
Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name !

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses ?
Because his class was so bright !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher ?
He couldn't control his pupils !

Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to ?
Pupil: Nobody I know !