ardars MBA preparation..LOGIC

Santa singh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of his non-sardar friends came home.

Friend: Santa singhji How is your MBA preparation?
Santa Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.

Friend: Logic is very easy.
Santa singh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.

Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.

Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.

Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.

Friend: so, logically, you are married.
Santa: YES.

Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.

Santa singh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Banta singh and he was also preparing for MBA.

Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.

Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Banta: Pleaseeee, give me an example.

Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Banta: NO, I don't.
Santa: saala!!! HOMO!!!

Hangover

It was the morning after, and he sat groaning and holding his head.
"Well, if you hadn`t drunk so much last night you wouldn`t feel so bad now," the wife said tartly.
"My drinking had nothing to do with it," he answered. "I went to bed feeling wonderful and woke up feeling awful. It was the sleep that did it!"

Mahabharat questioned (Hindu mythology)

In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching
the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.
He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.

Masterji: "Kansa heard the Akashwani that his sister's
8th child is going to kill him. Kansa furious then ordered
to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. When the first son is
born, Kansa kills him by poisoning... second child is born and
Kansa throws him off the mountain peak...third child is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.
Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused)

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have
doubt in mahabharata then how come you have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th
child was going to kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE
PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?

Masterji fainted.........................

Relationship between eyes

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..?

They blink together,
They move together,
They cry together,
They see things together and
They sleep together

But they never see each other.. That's what is true friendship !!



But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye blinks and the other remains open.....

Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships !!

Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?

How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that "no means no"?

The Hunting Dog

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

You've been programming too long when

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

So Old

Yo mamma's so old, she farts dust.

Yo mamma's so old, she ows Jesus $3.

Yo mamma's so old, when God said, "Let there be light," she flipped the switch.

Taking A Tinkle

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this

bullet came out.' Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

'It's okay' said the Mom, 'I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.' 'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'

Revenge

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life.

The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.

After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL poop on its head!"

Sparrow

Once upon a time, there was a nonconformist sparrow who decided to not fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather had turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings, and he fell to earth nearly frozen solid, landing in a barnyard.

A cow passed by where the sparrow had fallen and crapped on the little bird. The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings! Warm and happy and able to breath, the sparrow started to sing. Just then, a large cat came by and heard the chirping. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story: Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy; everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend; and if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut.

Graveyard Giggles

A man and his son were walking through a cemetery. The boy asked, "Daddy, do they bury two people in the same grave?"

The father said, "Two people? Let me look."

So the father took a look, and sure enough, the marker said, "Here lies a symphony conductor and a humble man."

Poof!

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?

The Captain's log.

Five Fingers

A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money.
On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five
fingers.

"Oh darling!" she squeals with delight, Does that mean five times?"
"No", says the old fellow, "it means that you can pick one out."

A bored woman says to her husband

A bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together,
"Guess what I have in here and you'll get some loving tonight."

The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all
replies, "An elephant".

The wife sez "That's close enough!"

Excuse to smoke

Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was
always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up
after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."

She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good
cigarette after sex."

He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever
smoked, and he replied that he had never.

Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's
your excuse then?"

Love Poem 1

Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says I love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says 'to hell with you'
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn't have happened
If the rubber wouldn't have torn

Approximately ten excuses for not doing homework:

• I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

• I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.

• I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.

• I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.

• I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.

• I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.

• I couldn't figure out whether I am the square of negative one or I am the square root of negative one.

• I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee, and then I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.

• I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.