HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Silly Definitions 2

NEIGHBOUR’S ENVY OWNER’S PRIDE

Enough is just a little more than the neighbors have.

INSANITY : Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your children.

GOOD DIPLOMAT : A diplomat is a person who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never her age

Sign on a repair shop door

We can repair anything.

(Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

digital clock

Q: What did the digital clock say to his mother?

A: Look ma no hands!

Intelligent and Stupid

Intelligent Man + Intelligent Woman = Romance


Intelligent Man + Stupid Woman = Pregnancy


Stupid Man + Intelligent Woman = Affair


Stupid Man + Stupid Woman = Marriage

WHAT IS THE DIFFERNCE BETWEEN

• A jewelers and a jailer?

One sells watches – while other watches cells.

• A locomotive engineer and a school teacher?

One minds the train – while the other trains the mind.

• A general practitioner and a specialist?

One treats what you have – while other thinks you have what he treats.

SUCCESS & MOTHER – IN – LAW

SUCCESS & MOTHER – IN – LAW

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother – in – law.

MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, LINGUIST, EXPERT

MARRIAGE: The miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure to a duty.

DIVORCE: A woman who gets richer by decrees.

LINGUIST: A man who has mastered every tongue but his wife’s.

EXPERT: A person who knows more and more about less and less, until he knows practically everything about almost nothing.

Silly Definitions

SCHOOL: A place where father pays and son plays.

DIVORCE: Future tense of marriage.

NURSE: A person who wakes you up to give you a sleeping pill.

MOSQUITO: An active creature who sings and prey’s over you.

COLLEGE: The rest house for the restless.

SECRETS: Something a woman can keep with telling effect.

PROVERB: A short sentence based on long experience.