Relax Juntion - Just for Fun

MS Narayana To Direct A Film Again

2007-06-30T23:26:00.001-07:00

MS Narayana, who helmed the fiasco Koduku (2004), is all set to direct a film again. To be produced by Devi Aishwarya under the banner of Devi Films, the film (tentatively titled Bajantreelu) will star

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Chiru's Shankar Dada Zindaba Audio on 4th july

2007-06-30T23:02:00.001-07:00

Chiranjeevi is doing a song for SDZ in Padmalaya studios. As mentioned earlier Yanaguptha is the heroine for the item song. So far they canned 2.5 songs and balancing songs will be completed in another 2 weeks time. Dubbing and rerecording is over for 12 reels of the movie and the remaining balance will be

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100 Kisses

2007-06-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

Letter from husband( who is abroad) to wife

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You are my sweetheart

Your husband

Allen

============ =========

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses

Instead of the rent.

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him Some other items....... ....

5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart

Close your mouth While Riding Bike

2007-06-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Egg Arts

2007-06-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

Pink Dolphin

2007-06-03T06:24:00.001-07:00

I'am Not The Only One Exposing Feminine Assets

2007-06-01T08:04:00.001-07:00

Rasna baby Ankitha is known for her voluptuous appeal on screen. She has no inhibitions or hesitations in the matters of exposing. At the same time she says exposing is only a part of her profession. See what she says

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Difference between Man and Woman

2007-05-31T04:08:00.000-07:00

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are only 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage
Do u still wanna get married ?

Huge Kiss

2007-05-25T08:40:00.001-07:00

I'am Totally confused is it Apple or Butterfly?

2007-05-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

Red Hot and Banana

2007-05-23T03:21:00.000-07:00

Times for Positive Thinking

2007-05-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

TAKE TIME TO WORK, IT IS THE PRICE OF SUCCESS

TAKE TIME TO THINK, IT IS THE SOURCE OF POWER

TAKE TIME TO PRAY, IT IS THE KEY TO REVELATION

TAKE TIME TO PLAY, IT IS THE SECRET OF YOUTH

TAKE TIME TO READ, IT IS THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS

TAKE TIME TO DREAM, IT IS THE WAY TO MOON,

TAKE TIME TO SERVE, IT IS PRIVILEGE OF GOD.

TAKE TIME TO LAUGH, IT IS THE MUSIC OF SOUL.

MAY YOU HAVE

2007-05-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

* ENOUGH Happiness to Keep you Sweet

* ENOUGH Trails to Keep you Strong

* ENOUGH Sorrow to Keep you Human

* ENOUGH Hope to Keep you Happy

* ENOUGH Failure to Keep you Humble

* ENOUGH Success to Keep you Eager

* ENOUGH Friends to Give you Comfort

* ENOUGH Wealth to Meet your needs.

* ENOUGH Enthusiasm to Look Forward.

* ENOUGH Faith to Banish Depression

* ENOUGH Determination to Make each day better than yesterday.

A CHILD WILL MAKE

2007-05-21T08:26:00.001-07:00

Love stronger

Day shorter

Nights longer

Pay packets emptier

Clothes shabbier

Past forgotten

Future worth living.

TEMPER

2007-05-21T08:17:00.001-07:00

TEMPER

It is a quality that at critical moment brings out the best in steel and worst in man

Stupid questions and great answers

2007-05-16T22:43:00.000-07:00

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

30 Definitions of Marriage

2007-05-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

1. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but they still stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the “Y” becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

22. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN’T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

TEN FORUMLAS FOR A HAPPIER MARRIAGE

2007-05-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

Thou shalt COMMUNICATE with each other.

Thou shalt COMPROMISE when things cannot be changed.

Thou shalt never take each other for GRANTED

Thou shalt KEEP ROMANCE ALIVE in your marriage

Thou shalt not let MONEY come between you

Thou shalt arrange to SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER.

Thou shalt show each other RESPECT & CONSIDERATION

Thou shalt show thy APPRECIATION for each other

Thou shalt earn each others’ TRUST

Thou shalt try to be FRIENDS as well as LOVERS

The Real Friendship

2007-05-15T22:59:00.001-07:00

Friendship is like money, more easily made than kept.

Friendship is the green hill by the dusty road of the life.

Friendship is shadow of everything, which strengthens with the setting of the sun of life.

IDEAL SURGEON

2007-05-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

IDEAL SURGEON : He has the eyes of an eagle, the heart of a lion and the hands of a woman.

10 POINTS FORMULA FOR SUCCESS

2007-05-12T09:30:00.000-07:00

* SPEAK TO PEOPLE : There is nothing as nice, as cheerful greeting

* SMILE : It takes 72 muscles to frown but only 14 to smile.

* THINK HAPPY : You are what your thoughts make you: Think Happy.

* STOP WORRYING : Stop worrying and start living.

* PRAISE : Be generous with praise, cautious with criticism.

* WORK : Let your work be your religion.

* HOPE : Come what may, never give up hope.

* PEOPLE : Be genuinely interested in people. And every thing other than “I”.

* CHALLENGE : Treat each new day as a challenge and live it up to the fullest.

* GIVE BEST : Give the world your best, and the best will come back to you.

UNPALATABLE TRUTHS ON SUCCESS

2007-05-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

Self confidence comes from success and not vice-versa. Life is cobweb. The lines cross at funny angles. Success depends on how you reach to unexpected opportunities. If you have a parent who owns a successful business and he is good to you when he dies, it is a surer way to top than anything else is. Thus for success you must find a horse to ride. Answer to ninety-nine questions out of hundred is Money People are me-oriented. The most popular words are me, my and mine. You and yours aren’t even in the top 20 It is possible to succeed in the world of the business or politics or life all yourself, but it is not easy. And its always fool hardy A top business school president advised to his faculty as follows: “ Be nice to your A grade students because they’ll come back and be your colleagues, but be exceptionally nice to your B & C grade students because they will come back and give us a new auditorium and a new science building. No matter how brilliant you are, it never pays to cast your lot with loser. The best officer on the Titanic wound up in the same lifeboat as the worst. And that if he was lucky to stay out of the water.

A LOVE AFFAIR

2007-05-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

• You say you Love me. However, sometimes you do not show it.

• In the beginning, you could not do enough for me. Now you take me for granted.

• May be, when I am gone, you’ll appreciate me and all the things I have done for you.

• I am responsible for the food on your table, for clothes you wear and the home you like.

• I have kept quiet and waited to see, how long, it would take you to realize, how much you really need me.

• Cherish me…. Take good care of me…. And I’ll take good care of you

WHO AM I?

ANSWER: I AM your Job.

A Love Letter

2007-05-11T03:48:00.000-07:00

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 27th of July. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

Romeo ( HR Executive )

DIVORCE

2007-05-11T03:37:00.000-07:00

The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!

Idiots on the computer

2007-05-11T03:32:00.000-07:00

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.
__________________

The husband store

2007-05-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

How bankers do it...

2007-05-10T21:21:00.000-07:00

Bankers do it risk-free.

Bankers do it just for money.

Bankers charge a fee each time they do it.

Bankers do it with varying rates of interest.

Bankers do it with a penalty for early withdrawal.

Corruption

2007-05-10T21:17:00.001-07:00

Q: What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines?

A: In US, they go to jail. In Philippines, they go to US!

JOKES ON HUSBAND

2007-05-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

How do you make your husband laugh on Saturday?

Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Why should husbands be made to work even on Sunday?

So you don’t have to re-train them on Monday.

THE FORMULA FOR HAPPY & PROSPEROUS LIFE

2007-05-09T09:49:00.001-07:00

THE FORMULA FOR HAPPY & PROSPEROUS LIFE

+ ( Add ) Happiness

X ( Multiply ) Achievement

Divide : Failures

Subtract : Sorrow.

An Indian Hosptial

2007-05-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

People think that a hospital is a drab and miserable place. That, since patients come for a cure for their illness they generally has a bleak and dreary air about them. That, this then rubs off on to the Doctors and nurses who as a consequence adopt a defensive brusqueness and bland exterior.

On the contrary, the hospital is often a place of great humors and lightheartedness, and human foibles get laughed at in much the same of moments of mirth’ and I have only been richer for the experience.

Hospital humor comes in variety of shapes and sizes. I still remember our teacher in medical college chiding a freshman on poor history taking. The freshman had been assigned to a patient who had a peculiar bowel disturbance. The freshman had been, like all fellows new to the job, pretty direct in his questioning. He asked the patient what the problem was. The teacher broke in to tell him that this was not the way to obtain delicate personal information. The teacher volunteered to show us how to ask such question and putting his hand on the patient’s shoulder, gently enquired-‘My dear man, do you have a problem with you toilet?’ To which the patient nodded brightly and replied, “Yes Sir, Thank you for asking. The roof leaks.”

Another time, a villager from Uttar Pradesh in India came with a mass in his neck that had, as goiters tend to do in that part of the country, grown quite big. We wanted a clinical photograph of the thyroid swelling for our teaching files. The patient was accordingly told to come for his photograph the following day. He duly presented himself with wife and son in law, in freshly laundered clothes and a generous amount of talcum powder applied to his face.

He innocently explained to the surprised nurse that he did not want his picture taken alone and that he wished to include his family as well. There are stories galore of how patients and doctors find humor a source of comfort in desperate situations. Like the patient who started auto-urine therapy for a highly invasive cancer, and when asked if wasn’t worried about bad breath, he explained that bad breath was better than no breath at all.

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

2007-05-05T23:45:00.001-07:00

Oops!

* Has anyone seen my watch?

* That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.

* Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

* Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?

* OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

* Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

* Come back with that! Bad Dog!

* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

* Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingies

* If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.

* Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

* Damn, there go the lights again...

* Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.

* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

* Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

* I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

* Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

* Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?

* What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!

* What do you mean, he's not insured?

* This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

* Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

* Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

* What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

* I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.

* Let's hurry; I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"

* That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?

* Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving.

* Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?

* Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!

* FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

A very intresting love story.

2007-05-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

I think all of you knew this love story, if not please enjoy by reading this

Love story :
Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain. But villain loves hero's sister,and hero's sister loves heroine's brother. Here, heroine's brother loves villain's sister. But villain's sister loves hero's brother. Again!, hero's brother is also interested in heroine , and you alredy know that heroine loves villain.

Finally 2 people commits sucide.

Who're they?

Producer and the Director

WHO IS DOCTOR

2007-05-05T23:31:00.000-07:00

Protects & Cares for you…….. Like a Mother. Takes Responsibility & Decisions…….. Like a Father. Gives Reassurance & Support…… Like a Grand Father. Brings a Smile on Your Face……. Like a Friend. Guides you about your Health……… Like a Teacher.

Conclusion : you now I am also Doctor, because I was making all of you Laugh. So I am a Doctor without a Degree

P + 5E + 3H = HAPPINESS

2007-05-05T23:30:00.001-07:00

Eureka! Eureka! Shouted Archimedes running naked down the lanes. Don’t know what these researchers will yell. Psychologist Carol Cohen has worked out an equation to quantify happiness after interviewing 1000 people says in the equation,

P stands for Personal characteristics (outlook on life, adaptability, resilience),

E stands for Existence (health, friendship, financial stability),

H stands for Higher order (self-esteem, expectations, ambition).

Therefore Happiness = P + 5E + 3H

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

2007-05-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Silly Definitions 2

2007-05-05T23:25:00.000-07:00

NEIGHBOUR’S ENVY OWNER’S PRIDE

Enough is just a little more than the neighbors have.

INSANITY : Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your children.

GOOD DIPLOMAT : A diplomat is a person who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never her age

PATRIOTISM

2007-05-05T23:21:00.000-07:00

No man is worth is Salt Who is not ready at all times To risk his body, to risk his well-being, to risk life, In a great cause. By Theodore Roosevelt. Your Conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

By George Bernard Shaw

YOU SEND ME ANY PLACE

2007-05-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

A notorious shopkeeper died and was taken to Dharmaraj (God of Death). His account was examined and found perfectly balanced. He had many good deeds to his credit and also bad deeds on the debit side. Dharmaraj thought on the subject and told the shopkeeper that he could go either to heaven or hell. Immediately the shopkeeper replied, “You send me to any place where I can make reasonable profits. “.

TRUE FRIENDS

2007-05-05T23:18:00.001-07:00

“TRUE Friends”, are like diamonds, very precious and rare.

“FALSE Friends”, are like autumn leaves found everywhere

Two persons cannot be friends if they cannot forgive one another.

Don’t be afraid of the enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friend who flatter you.

SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT CONVERSATION

2007-05-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

The art of conversation is to be prompt without being stubborn : to refute without Argument, and to clothe great matters in a motley garb. By: Disraeli.

Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affection, free from indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood. By: Shakespeare

The best evidence of your culture is the tone and temper of your conversation. By: Granville Kleiser.

A single conversation across the table with the wise man is a worth a Month’s study of books. By: Chinese Proverb

The great gift of conversation lies less in displaying if ourselves than in drawing it out of others. He who leaves your company pleased with himself and owns cleverness is perfectly well pleased with you. By: Breyere.

Life is like a game of cards

2007-05-05T08:01:00.000-07:00

When in love, it is all hearts

When engaged, it is all diamonds

When married, it is all clubs

When dead, it is all spades

Know more about men

2007-05-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

01. Men are like…………Bank Accounts,

Without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest

02. Men are like……….Commercials

You can’t believe a word they say.

03. Men are like………Floor Tiles

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years

04. Men are like………Chocolates Bars,

Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your lips

05. Men are like………Coffee

The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

06. Men are like……….Blenders

You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

07. Men are like……….Coolers

Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere

08. Men are like……….Copiers

You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.

09. Men are like………….Government Bonds

They take so long to mature

10. Men are like……….Newborn Babies,

They’re cute at first, but you get tired of cleaning up their crap

GAME OF LOVE

2007-05-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

Greet her on birthday

That would be best play

WHAT KIND?

2007-05-05T07:56:00.001-07:00

Q. What kind of cookies do birds like?

A. Chocolate Chirp.

Q. What word is always spelled uncorrectly?

A. Incorrectly.

Q. What has four legs but can’t move?

A. A table.

Q. Why is the computer so good at golf?

A. Because it has a hard drive.

Q. How do bees brush their hair?

A. With a honeycomb.

Q. How do you make soup into gold?

A. Put 24 carrots in it?

RIGHT TRAITS FOR ACHIEVEMENT

2007-05-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

* Self Command To turn on a day when it begins.
* Self Discipline To turn it off when it ends.
* Courage To accept a challenge.
* True Grit To preserve.
* Determination To what others think is impossible.
* Admiration Of the good wherever it is found.
* Will To change what should not be accepted.
* Adjustment To accept that which cannot be changed.
* Knowledge Of self and honest to face it.
* Friendliness That causes a dog to wag his tail.
* Gentleness That beckons a child to turn after you.
* The Joy That comes from glass of cold water, a delicious meal and a Good bed.

Inteligent VS Stupid

2007-05-05T07:51:00.001-07:00

Intelligent Man + Intelligent Woman = Romance

Intelligent Man + Stupid Woman = Pregnancy

Stupid Man + Intelligent Woman = Affair

Stupid Man + Stupid Woman = Marriage

TEN MARKS OF A GOOD CITIZEN

2007-05-05T07:49:00.001-07:00

01. He is well informed on local and world affairs.

02. He is courteous, unselfish & friendly – gets along well with others – is a good neighbor.

03. He is sincere, dependable and takes an active part in the religious Community of his choice.

04. He appreciates what others have done for him & accepts responsibility for the future betterment of his community.

05. He is fair & just in his relations with others.

06. He obeys the laws of his community & the nation.

07. He votes regularly & intelligently at election.

08. He is interested in the freedom & welfare of the entire world’s people.

09. He is productive & renders worthwhile service

10. He sets a good example to the youth of his community.

BEING POSITIVE

2007-05-05T07:46:00.001-07:00

Forget the negative and put your trust in the positive. When your senses are engaged on goodness, then you will create light and fragrance, when engaged in impurity you create smoke and darkness. A man who possesses cheerfulness my not utter even a word, but those who come into contact with him, mark the lines of goods spirits on his face and this brings happiness on their faces also. In order to make man acquire other virtues, he has to be taught, but the quality called cheerfulness travels of its owns self to his face and gets possession of him. I often wonder why I struggle, why I fight to live but then, I find the milky white moon standing amidst the sky, I watch each little star turn darkness to light. Then I learn the greatest truth that all mankind ought to see, that by living I give to the word what it has given to me.

RULES FOR A GOOD DAY

2007-05-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

01. TODAY I WILL NOT STRIKE BACK If some one is rude, if someone is impatient, if someone unkind….I will not respond in a like manner.

02. TODAY I WILL ASK GOD TO BLESS MY “ENEMY” If I come across someone who treats me harshly or unfairly. I will quietly ask God to bless that individual. I understand the “enemy” could be family member, neighbor, co-worker, or a stranger.

03. TODAY I WILL BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAY I will carefully choose and guard my words being certain that I do not spread gossip.

04. TODAY I WILL GO THE EXTRA MILE I will find ways to help share the burden of another person.

05. TODAY I WILL FORGIVE I will forgive any hurts or injury that came my way.

06. TODAY I WILL DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE, BUT I WILL DO IT SECRETLY: I will reach out anonymously and bless the life of another.

07. TODAY I WILL TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WISH TO BE TREATED I will practice the golden rule – “Do unto others as I would have them do unto me” – with everyone I encounter.

08. TODAY I WILL RAISE THE SPIRIT OF SOMEONE! DISCOURAGED: My smile, my words, my expression of support, can make the difference to someone who is wrestling in life.

09. TODAY I WILL NUTURE MY BODY I will eat less: I will eat only healthy foods. I will thank God for my body. 10. TODAY I WILL I WILL GROW SPIRITUALLY; I will spend a little more time in prayer today: I will begin reading something spiritual or inspirational today: I will find a quite place (at some point during the day) and listen to God’s voice!!!

Think Before.........

2007-05-05T07:40:00.001-07:00

Before you speak………Listen

Before you write………Think

Before you spend………Earn

Before you invest………Investigate

Before you criticize………Wait

Before you pray……….Forgive

Before you quit………Try

Before you retire……….Save

Before you die……….Live

BE THE BEST OF WHATEVER YOU ARE

2007-05-05T07:38:00.001-07:00

If you can’t be a pine on top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley – but be
The best little scrub by the side of the hill,
Be a bush, if you cannot be a tree.

If you cannot be a bush, be a bit of the grass
And some highway happier make
If you cannot be a Muskier then just be a bass,
But, the loveliest bass in the lake!

We cannot all be captains; we have to be crew,
There is something for all of us here,
There is a big work to do and there is lesser to do
The task we must do is the near

If you cannot be a highway, then just be a trail
If you cannot be the sun, be a star;
It is not by the size that you win or you fail-
Be the best of WHATEVER YOU ARE.

By Douglas Malloch (American Poet)

How a Son / Daughter thinks of his / her Daddy at different ages.

2007-05-05T07:36:00.001-07:00

At 04 Years: My daddy is great

At 06 Years: My daddy knows every body.

At 10 Years: My daddy is good but is short tempered.

At 12 Years: My daddy was very nice to me when I was young.

At 14 Years: My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years: My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years: My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years: Oh! It is becoming difficult to tolerate daddy wonder how mom put up with him.

At 25 Years: Daddy objecting to everything.

At 30 Years: It is becoming difficult to manage my son I was scared of father when I was young.

At 40 Years: Daddy brought me up with so much discipline even I should do the same.

At 45 Years: I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years: My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years: My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.

At 60 Years: My daddy is great.

Thus it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st stage………..

Have You Thought of it!

ART OF MEDICINE

2007-05-05T07:33:00.000-07:00

Art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. By Voltaire.

ADVERTISEMENT, DIPLOMACY AND GREAT MAN.

2007-05-05T07:31:00.000-07:00

ADVERTISEMENT : Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark, you know what you are doing but nobody does.

DIPLOMACY : The art of saying something when you have nothing to say or of saying nothing when you have something to say.

GREAT MAN : When I met him I was looking down. When I left him I was looking up.

Tips for saving your Job

2007-05-04T00:46:00.000-07:00

What Happen on that Morning

2007-05-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

One fine morning , every thing was going smooth as usual.

Suddenly, the motors screeched with a sudden brake, when every one in the city just could not believe what had happened toAmerica .

It was in New York where the scene was one of total chaos. People cried out in shame.

Many were blaming the former president Mr. Bill Clinton.

Hillary stood staring at her darling husband.

Clinton came to the crowd and said in his words, "I'm Innocent; It's really ridiculous to say I'm the only man behind all these cases. Slowly, I feel I'm losing confidence in myself".

Are you curious to know what had happened???

To see what happen Click Here

Source : Some masala forum

Note : I dont want to hurt any body with this if any body hurted please forgive me.

Silly Answers

2007-05-03T04:38:00.000-07:00

Q. What washes up on very small beaches?

A. Microwaves!

Q. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?

A. A hole!

Q. What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?

A. The road!

Q. How do you make a bandstand?
A. Take away their chairs!

Q. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A. The scientists were brainstorming!

Q. Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A. Because he couldn't find a date!

Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!

Q. What did Pooh say to his agent?
A. Show me the honey!

Q. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A. Because he was sitting on the deck!

Q. Why did the traffic light turn red?
A. You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

Q. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!

Q. What do lawyers wear to court?
A. Lawsuits!

Q. What breaks when you say it?
A. Silence!

Q. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!

Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck!

Q. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A. Post Office!

Q. What did the blanket say to the bed?
A. Don't worry, I've got you covered!

Q. Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A. To draw the curtains!

Q. How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A. One! After that its not empty!

Q. What kind of button won't unbutton?
A. A bellybutton!

Latest MMS hot couple in bed room, any age people can see this MMS

2007-05-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

CLICK HERE

All about Love and Bathroom

2007-05-01T05:14:00.000-07:00

Please enter with Love

TEARS & MARRIAGE

2007-05-01T05:02:00.001-07:00

TEARS : The hydraulic, by which masculine power is defeated by Feminine power.

MARRIAGE : An institution in which the boy loses his bachelor’s degree and the girl gets her masters.

Do you Know? if not learn

2007-05-01T04:50:00.000-07:00

Do you know all about April 1?
Yes, I'm fooly aware of it!

What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day?
On one you're thankful and on the other you're prankful!

Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
Because they've just finished a long March!

What's the best day for monkey business?
The first of Ape-ril!

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ?
Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !

Who invented fractions ?
Henry the 1/8 !

What does "Minimum" mean ?
A very small mother !

What does "Maximum" mean ?
A very big mother !

What's the difference between an American student and an English student ?
About 3000 miles !

What sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?
A kipper !

What's the nearest thing to silver ?
The Lone Ranger's bottom !

Why did Robin Hood only steal from the rich ?
Because the poor have nothing worth taking !

What kind of biscuit would you find at the south pole ?
A penguin !

What is a skeleton ?
Bones, with the person off !

What is "out of bounds" ?
An exhausted kangaroo !

What is the most slippery country in the world ?
Greece !

What might you eat in Paris ?
The trifle tower !

If two's company and three a crowd, what are four and five ?
Nine !

Who was the best actor in the bible ?
Samson, he brought the house down !

What kind of fish can't swim ?
Dead ones !

What do golfers use in China ?
China tees !

What is the strongest bird ?
A crane !

What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea ?
It gets wet !

What do Scotsmen eat ?
Tart'n'pie !

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !

Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you ?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you back !

Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here !

Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age ?
Pupil: The sausage !

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !

Teacher: You new here aren't you, what's your name ?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.

Teacher: Why is that ?
Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name !

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses ?
Because his class was so bright !

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher ?
He couldn't control his pupils !

Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to ?
Pupil: Nobody I know !

Headlines

2007-04-29T04:39:00.001-07:00

I was glancing over the front page of the Post Gazette the other day and saw that Alf Landon (Franklin Roosevelt's opponent in the 1936 election) had died at age 100. It reminded me of this story that FDR supposedly liked to tell.

There was a man who, everyday, would buy a newspaper on the way to work, glance at the headline, and hand it back to the newsboy. Day after day the man would go through this routine.
Finally the newsboy could not stand it and he asked the man, "Why do you always buy a paper and only look at the front page before discarding it?"

The man replied, "I am only interested in the obituaries."

"But they are on page 21. You never even unfold the newspaper."

"Young man," he said, "the son of a bitch I'm looking for will be on the front page."

Titanic Indian version

2007-04-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

If the Titanic was made in India:
10. There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
9. There has to be a song with a girl wearing a white dress, singing in the rain.
8. By the end of the movie he finds his mom, dad, sister and brother.
7. It's seven and half-hours long.
6. The movie would be called "Doobta Hua Pyar".
5. Kate Winslet played by Madhuri Dixit, and Leonard Di' Caprio played by Salman Khan.
4. The boat would sink, because there are too many people on it.
3. None of the people would float for long cause of the saris.
2. They would be serving mango fruity on the boat.
1. Wait a minute it was an Indian movie if you think about it.

AND

Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo"!!!

PS: The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.

Sins of Indians

2007-04-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

10. Marrying a blond is a sin. Making love to a blond is a partial sin.
9. Pre-marital sex is a sin. Marital sex is a partial sin.
8. Taking dowry is a sin. Giving dowry is a partial sin.
7. Bullying one's wife is a sin. Having to submit is a partial sin.
6. Gambling is a sin. Playing cards is a partial sin.
5. Drinking is a sin. Smoking is a partial sin.
4. Eating beef is a sin. Eating pork is a partial sin.
3. Hurting a cow is a sin. Hurting insects is a partial sin.
2. Not phoning home is a sin. Running up a huge bill is a partial sin.
1. Forgetting first language is a sin. Speaking with an accent is a partial sin.

Is Windows a Virus

2007-04-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to
become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug.

Labor Pain

2007-04-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

Funny Sketch

2007-04-27T00:50:00.000-07:00

Degrees of Girls

2007-04-24T20:46:00.000-07:00

B.A : Beautiful Angel

B.E. : Beautiful Eyes

B.Sc : Beautiful Structure

B.L. : Beautiful Lips

B.Com : Beautiful Completely

M.B.A. : Married but Available

Biology - Sociology

2007-04-24T20:39:00.000-07:00

A student is sleeping in his class room and teacher came to him and she want to make the student active so she asks the student :

Teacher : What is the difference between Biology and Sociology?

Student : If Baby looks like father that is Biology

If Baby looks like neighbour that is Sociology.

Teacher went on laughing and Student again in his position to sleep.

Quote of the Day by Swami Vivekananda

2007-04-24T04:14:00.000-07:00

My friend Mohan has send me this nice quote in my orkut mail.

“To me the very essence of education is the Concentration of mind, not the collecting of facts. If I had to do my education over again, and had any voice in the matter, I would develop the power of concentration and detachment, and then with a perfect instrument, I could collect facts as will." -

By - Swami Vivekananda

Death By Viagra

2007-04-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

The Naughty Boy

2007-04-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton is coming to town!

2007-04-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

To the tune of "Santa Clause is coming to town"

She'll sleep with a girl, she'll sleep with a guy.

She'll make you hurl I'm tellin you why.

Paris Hilton's Coming to town.

She'll take off from the "Simple Life".

She'll tape you both when you sleep.

You won't want her to be your wife.

Cause man can she be cheap.

Oh,She'll sleep with a girl, she'll sleep with a guy.

She'll make you hurl I'm tellin you why.

Paris Hilton's coming to town

She's takin your friends, and doin them twice.

You better believe she's setting a price.

Paris Hilton's Coming.

Boy, is Paris Cumming.

Paris Hilton's Coming to town!

Souce : masalafourm

You will get mad after reading this ( Read at your own risk )

2007-04-23T04:53:00.000-07:00

I got this essay in a forum and it was very funny so enjoy it..

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.

But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.

His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the
milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such
attachment ]

What can it do? Various butter, cream, curd, why
and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

His motion is slow only because he is of lazy
species.Also his other motion.. [from the backyard] is much
useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat
cakes[like Pizza ] , in hand , and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding
after eating.
Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are
situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in
the grass.

His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.

He has got tails also, situated in the backyard,
but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the
other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.

So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other
relatives.

This is the cow.......

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere..sorry somewhere in Bihar

Accident Do Happen!!!!

2007-04-22T05:56:00.000-07:00

Watch this Gif format movie

Enjoy

Please click on the image for the movie.

Global Warming - The Real reason !!

2007-04-22T05:43:00.000-07:00

After a lot of scientific research, the real reason of global warming has been discovered !!!

When Girlfriend becomes Wife!

2007-04-21T05:55:00.000-07:00

when girlfriend becomes wife
sure not all when becomes wives come like that
most the gilrs are angels.. but some look like this......

If magic not appears please click on the Image then see the magic how Girl Friend become after Wife.

This is not to hurt any body just for fun.

Operation Bunny Teeth

2007-04-19T04:53:00.000-07:00

Blonde in a Pawn Shop

2007-04-19T04:45:00.001-07:00

A blonde walks into a pawn shop and sees a TV that she liked. She walked up to the clerk and asked how much for it.
"Sorry Ma'am, I don't sell things to blondes" he replied.
Shocked, she walked out of the store. That night, she dyed her hair brown. The next day, she went back to the store and asked the clerk for the price of the television.
Same reply.
Frustrated, she bought a red wig and wore it to the store the next day.
When she asked the clerk, he told her the same thing.
"How did you know it was me?!" she asked.
"Because, that isn't a TV, it's a microwave."

The Priest Who Lost His Cock

2007-04-19T04:42:00.001-07:00

A priest had lost his cock (Male hen) and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next day he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up.

"No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.

Newton Laws

2007-04-18T05:26:00.000-07:00

Law -1: Every Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by external unbalanced manager.

Law -2: The rate of change in the Work is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate when deadline force is applied.

Law -3: For every appraisal there is an equal but opposite Work Implementation.

Bonus Law -4: Mistakes can neither be created nor be removed from drawings by an engineer. It can only be converted from one form to another, the total number of mistakes in the drawing always remains constant.

Relationship between eyes

2007-04-18T05:24:00.000-07:00

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..?

They blink together,
They move together,
They cry together,
They see things together and
They sleep together

But they never see each other.. That's what is true friendship !!

But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye blinks and the other remains open.....

Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships !!

Knock Knock

2007-04-14T05:32:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DFTmBrMYPw

Imagine what would happen if GOD installs Voice Mail in Heaven.

2007-04-14T01:37:00.000-07:00

Imagine what would happen if GOD installs Voice Mail in Heaven.

When you pray, you will get this response:

"Hi, Thank you for calling Heaven.

If you want to speak to

Lord Ganesha - Press 1

Lord Shiva - Press 2

Lord Krishna - Press 3 ( Sorry, he is Busy with "Gopiyan " ) For a

Directory of other Gods / Goddess - Press 4 For Further Assistance

from

Menka / Pari / Angels -Press *. You press 1 and get connected to

Ganeshji and hear the Following message :

If you want to make a request - Press 5

For complaints / Grievances - Press 6 ( Seldom works)

For thanks giving - Press 7

For any thing else , please press 8 and wait for the Customer Support Angel to talk to you If you would like to hear

Naradji

(TOLLFREE) singing Bhajan while you are holding - Press *

After a few minutes comes the following message :

"Our records show that you have already prayed once today. Please try again tomorrow . Meanwhile , if you require any emergency assistance, please contact our offshore Customer Support Executive priest of your nearest temple.

Thank you for calling Heaven

Note : All the names according to the Hindu Mythology . Not to hurt any body

Teacher Vs Student

2007-04-14T01:34:00.000-07:00

teacher: can you define the word lecturer for me?

student: lecturer is a person who has a bad habbit of speaking when some is sleeping in class

Shocking Telegrams

2007-04-12T23:56:00.000-07:00

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:

"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."

The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.

At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.

Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says:

Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".

The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"

The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

Funny answers written by students

2007-04-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon.
All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around and around. There is not much else to do.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

Change of heart

2007-04-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

There was a very big lake in a forest. All the animals of the forest used to come to that lake to drink water from it. One day a hunter came to that lake. He bathed in it and drank the sweet water of the lake to quench his thirst. The hunter was very hungry as he hadn't eaten anything for the last so many days. He thought "The animals living in this forest will definitely come to this lake to drink water. And this will enable me to get a prey for myself easily," thinking this the hunter climbed a tree and sat on it.

Soon after, a female deer came to drink water from the lake. The hunter saw her, drew an arrow from his quiver and poised it on the bowstring. The female deer saw him doing this and was terribly frightened. She said, "Brother, hunter! I know I cannot save my life by running away from here; but I beseech you to have mercy on me. The two fawns, my young ones, must be waiting for me. Please allow me to go for the time being, and I promise that I shall come back to you after feeding the fawns and handing them over to a female deer who is a friend of mine."

The hunter laughed. It was beyond logic for him that the female deer would return to him despite knowing that he would kill her. But then he thought "I must allow her to go keeping in view the promise made by her. And if I am destined to get a prey, I shall get another one." He allowed her to go.

Just a little after the female deer had left, a beautiful looking male deer with hig horns came to the lake to drink water from it. The hunter was about to release his arrow when the male deer saw him. He said, "Brother, hunter! It's hours since I have been away from my wife and the young ones. They must be getting nervous and eagerly awaiting my return. Do kindly allow me to go so that I may go and see them and explain to them the situation. And it's a promise that I shall return to you after that. But, kindly allow me to go for the time being."

This irritated the hunter very much. He was almost on the point of starvation. He thought for some time and then consoled himself by saying "I must allow the male deer also to return. If I am destined to starve today, I must."

The female deer came to her fawns, fed them and let the fawns snuggle close to her for some time. Then she took them to another female deer, who was her close friend, and explained the situation to her. Meanwhile, the male deer also came there with tears welled up in his eyes. He also poured all his affection on them and then prepared to leave. But the fawns were not ready to part with their parents. Ultimately, the male and female deer, having no alternative, had to agree to take the fawns also along with them.

Reaching near the lake, the male deer said to the hunter, "Brother hunter! We all have come. Now you may kill us and assuage your hunger."

The hunter was extremely surprised to see the truthfulness of the innocent animals. He climbed down the tree and began theinking "How truthful are these deer despite being animals. They have returned tome, just to keep their word, without caring for their lives. And I, despite being a human being, am so sinful that in order to assuage my hunger, kill these innocent and mute animals. Now I take a vow that I shall not kill any animal from today.

The hunter broke his bow and threw it away. Just then a celestial car, moving in the air with gods and angels in it, landed on the ground there. One angel said to the hunter, "Hunter! these deer have atoned for their sins by having observed truthfulness. They will go to heaven. You too have atoned for your sins by having had mercy on these innocent animals. You will also be taken to heaven along with them."

Then the female and male deer were transformed into the forms of god along with the fawns. The hunter also was transformed into a god. It was their truthfulness and mercy that enabled them to go to heaven alive.

The neglected wife

2007-04-12T23:44:00.000-07:00

When Brahmadutta was ruling Banaras, Bodhisatva was born.
One day, the king became angry with his son and banished him from the kingdom. The prince left Banaras with his wife. They wandered in other lands for a long time suffering untold privations. On several occassions, the prince didn't have a roof over his head. He had also to go without food. His faithful wife shared all the hardships without a word of complaint.

As time passed, King Brahmadutta died. On learning the news, the prince thought he could now return to Banaras, and ascend the throne. So he and his wife started for Banaras, travelling day and night.In his anxiety to reach the capital as quickly as possible, he forgot to look after his wife's comfort. He forced her to walk as fast as he did and even to go without food and sleep as much as possible.

Though he was anxious to reach Banaras, he couldn;t resist from eating. One day,the couple reached a village in a state of great hunger. One of the villagers took pity on them and asked the prince to go with him to his house.Asking his wife to rest under a tree, he went with the villager.He gave the prince a parcel of food which would be enough for two. On his was back the prince thought,"This food is sufficient for two of us. I don't know when and where we;ll get our next meal.And Banaras is still very far off. It is more important that I reach Banaras. My wife need not hurry to get there. Even otherwise,she is being a hindrance to me.If not with her, I would have gone much farther by now. I must manage to eat all this food myself."

With his mind full of suh mean thoughts, the prince returned to where his wife was resting. "Here's some food", he told her,"You start walking, I shall catch up with you after my ablutions".

Believing him,she wearily walked ahead. The prince ate up all the food. He then made a bundle of the leaves in which the food had been packed an caught up with his wife.

"Look at the mischief," he told her showing the packet. "The rascal has fooled us with an empty parcel.There's no food in it."

His wife said nothing, but she could guess what might have happened. After some more days, they arrived in Banaras. The prince was duly crowned as the king. Thought she had shared all his hardships, he didn't feel it necessary to share his happiness with his queen.She was totally neglected by the king.

Bodhisatva, who had become the King's counsellor, noticed the state of affairs. One day, he wnet to see the queen who received him with due courtesy.

"After coming into good times, the king distributed gifts to all of us," he said."But I am yet to et anything from the hands of queen!"

"Sir," she said pitifully,"I'm the queen only in name. There's very little difference between me and the palace maids. I had dutifully shared all his misfortunes, but it looks as though i don't have the right to have a share of his fortune." She went to narrate to the counsellor how, on their way to Banaras, the prince had robbed her of her share of food."Even now," she said, " the king doesn't care to enquire whether I have had my food, what clothes I am wearing and so on."

"Don't worry, your hightness," Bodhisatva said, seeing that she was in tears,"I've suspected this , I came here only to know the truth from you. Let's repeat our conversation tomorrow in hte court. I'll see that the king doesn't neglect you anymore."

The next day, the queen was present at the court. Bodhisatva remarked in the full court that the queen had no thoughts for the poor since she became the queen.

Then the queen told the court all that she had told the counsellor the previous day. The King felt ashamed when she revealed how he had robbed her of her share of food while they were returning to Banaras.

"If the King is neglecting you," Bodhisatva told her, " there's no reason why you should stay with him. The scriptures tell us: Leave one who had left you. Don't make friends with him.You need not be nice to anyone who frowns at you.Birds leave the fruitless tree and seek other trees. The world is wide. So, you can get out into the world and seek those who will be considerate to you.

Hering this, the King left the throne and fell at Bodhisatva's feet. 'O wise counsellor! Don't put me to shame!' he begged. "I shall henceforth treat my wife with respect. I apologise for what I have done."

A Grateful Servant

2007-04-12T23:43:00.000-07:00

Sekhar was orphaned in his childhood itself.He was brought up by his uncle Krishna. Though he was very much affectionate towards Sekhar, his wife Rohini deteseted him from the very beginning. She burdened him with the entire household chores, and at the same time gave him the most frugal meals. As the years passed, the situation started deteriorating and Sekhar had to go without food on may days. Besides, he had to put up with verbal abuses from and physical torture by his aunt. Though in the presence of her husband, she pretended to take care of him, she did the contrary in his absence.Later, Krishna was aware of the ill-treatment meted out to his nephew in his absence, and he was furious with his wife. When he reprimanded her severly, Rohini retaliated:"Don't accuse me! This rascal is telling lies to you about me! Send him out of the house!"

Krishna countered her."Don't try to act, Rohini! The poor boy is too good to complain about you! He is extremely tolerant and good-natured. I've come to know what you do with him from other quarters too."

Rohini shot back:"If you believe that your nephew is so tolerant, send him to work under your relative Sitaram! He'll be better off there! I can't look after your nephew any longer!"

Krishna became angry.He replied:"Why should he go there? He'll be with us only!"

Rohini became agitated.She shouted,"Then, let me leave this house!"

Sekhar hd to intervene to pacify the quarelling couple."Uncle! please don't quarrel with aunty on my count.I'll rather go to uncle Sitaram's house at once!"

Krishna was too furious to speak. After sometime, when he had cooled down,it occured to him that the idea was not altogether bad. Atleast, Sekhar would be able to eat two square meals a day insted of often starving.

Sitaram was a niceman in earlier times. After his retirement, he got bored by sitting idle in the house. His wife Arundhati and his sons where busy with their own work and hence couldnot spare any time for him. Sitaram felt neglected and hence gave vent to his annoyance at everyone. Being unable to put up with his nagging, Arundhati appointed a servant to look after his personal needs. But this made matters worse. Sitaram felt let down by his own family and harassed the servant, He soon left their service. Arundhati engaged several servants thereafter, but none stuck to the job. She was now badly in need of a servant who whould be patient enought to work under her ever-nagging husband. Krishna was aware of this, but the only consolation was that Sekhar would atleast not starve. So, he decided to send Sekhar to SItaram's house.

Initially, it was a bit difficult for Sekhar to put up with hte tantrums of Sitaram. Gradually, he got used to them. He showed utmost patience in dealing with his new master. Verysoon, Sitaram started liking Sekhar. Arundhati felt much relieved and she was so pleased with the boy that she gave him sumptuous food. She took care of all his needs and treated him as a member of her own family.

One day, a hermit visited thier house,Greatly pleased with thefamily, the hermit said:" I want to be bless all of you. Please come one by one and tell me your wishes. I shall praay to god to grant you your wishess."

They went to him one by one and spoke out their wishes. Arindhati desired a long married life. The sons wanted to lead properous lives,Sitaram wanted that all should bestow their best attention on him.When everyone's turn was over,Arundhati called Sekhar and asked him to express his wish.

Sekhar knelt before the hermit and prayed to him: " O holy man I want my master to have a long and healthy life. he should be contented as he was once upon a time. He should become a lovable person."

All others , including the hermit, were astounded on listening to sekhar. The hermit stroked his back fondly and said " My dear boy! when all otherss have asked for the fulfilment of their personal wishes, what makes you only pray for the sake of your master? Dont you have any personal wish of your own?

" O holy man!" said sekhar , his voice choked with emotioon. " I consider him my god! I owe my very existence in this house to him. Every morsel of food I get in this house is because of him. Nothing in the world would I seek other than his welfare!"

Dear boy,"cautioned the hermit "dont you realise that once your wish gets fulfilled and he becomes normal, you might lose your job in this house? Have you thought of that?"

"It doesn't matter!" said Sekhar."Even if I'm asked to leave his service, I would 'not mind. I would always recollect the happy days I spent with him. His welfare is most important to me."

Sitaram was overwhelmed. He held Sekhar 's hands and said," Never will I ask you to leave my house you aren't my servant any longer. From this day , you are my third son.And you 'll be with me for ever".. He hugged Sekhar and wept like a child.

Street Dance

2007-04-11T06:47:00.001-07:00

Funny Show

2007-04-11T06:16:00.000-07:00

Funny Show - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

Bush & Kalam

2007-04-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to
surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer
this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !" "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer
a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question:
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees,
and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation,
Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh!".

Marketing concepts...

2007-04-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" -

That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of freinds and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up

to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next

day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her

and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,

offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can
you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I "I a m very rich. Marry me!"

She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And

she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another

person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's

competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!"

your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets.

Computer Quotes

2007-04-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

"If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0"

"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

"unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep" - my daily unix command list

"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." - Robert Firth

"If Python is executable pseudocode, then perl is executable line noise."

"The more I C, the less I see."

"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

"After Perl everything else is just assembly language."

"If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."

"Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code."

"Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

"COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."

“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz

"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - This is not humorous by itself; but in the context it's a classic by Bill Gates in 1981

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer." - Erik Naggum

Lallo Parsad YADAV and Bill Gates

2007-04-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:
dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks

Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

The Best Way To Lose Weight!

2007-04-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

Santa in ICU

2007-04-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."